BLOG POST 241

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 241

The audience is crucial. Know your audience, but if the effort is genealogical, there are in reality very few who care even about their ancestors. 

Our most recent RWG guest speakers, YADA YADA YADA , speaking on >>>>> said “don’t be cute” in your use of words. OTOH, in writing a personal biography, or family research effort, cute is precisely what is needed to bring the scant memories to life. I can be as damn cute with use of words as I feel inspired to be.

Condescending … 

Fiction can be any damn thing the author wants it to be. Authors are freed of convention. They can ignore, or comply, with the rules, style guides …

Rules of the genre, as with using military terms which are in Navy-speak, are appropriate.

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BAM 16 October 2017 critique comments

Insufficient copies were available to supply each reviewer.  I planned and expected this session as a means to develop potential alternative endings for TNO.

The comments offered were very critical, one perhaps even a cheap shot. That’s the nature of these sessions.

BAM member –

1.      Transition to George bending over body was strange – agree, working

2.      Suggested deleting sections covering George and Bai visiting earthquake sensor and coroner – will edit; it closes out the question of whether the bomb blast generated any reaction along fault line

3.      Questioned utility of the news conference – will edit; it closes out Drake’s and Press involvement

4.      Suggested Bai get shot when George confronts Edress, to create tension overall and within relationship – will consider

5.      Suggested ending novel at B&B, having George propose then after having the relationship go on the rocks somehow, then reconciling – will consider, will require rewriting earlier proposal.

6.      Suggested combining part of Press conference with B&B scene – will consider, but different scenes and days. May edit both.

7.      Suggested any revision let the reader figure out Adnan lived on – agree

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial change – agree, working

2.       You told us what you’d tell us, told us, then reminded us – overkill – agree, working

3.       Some wording awkward – agree, working

4.       Questioned what George feared he’d find at earthquake sensor(s) – he was concerned that van’s explosion would trigger the fault line, I feel necessary to central plot of The Next One (Big one, earthquake slippage and catastrophic damage)

5.       Suggested shortening or dropping Press conference – will consider, it closes out Press and Drake involvement

6.       Simplify George and Bai’s relationship, add tension – agree, working

7.       Felt George and Bai’s dialogue about Shake, rattle, and Roll and romance at The Roof was OK – thanks

BAM member –

1.      Asked to confirm the original scene was about George and Bai – it was

2.      Questioned what happened to the Mafia threat to George – in previous segments George hacked account of Easy LA Capo, moved several million $ to Red Cross Disaster Relief – through the account of Cap in West LA. This started a Mafia war in LA.

3.      Questioned credibility of George and Bai hugging over a body – agree, working

4.      Suggested end novel with George and Bai at Press conference, including them – will consider

5.      Create tension by having Bai show concern that George attracts dangerous people – agree, working

6.      End with Bai showing she felt safe and relaxed with George – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial change – agree, working

2.       Felt hugging by cornered terrorist and over body were out of place when people hyped on adrenaline – agree, will revise

3.       Some of dialogue felt plastic, stiff, not real-life like (only in crappy movies?) – agree, working

4.       Some of romantic dialogue plastic, throws reader off – agree, working

5.       Felt some dialogue between George and Bai didn’t reflect realistic relationship. Too sweet, intimate talk stiff, forced, unreal – Try Harlequin Romances – reviewer missed most of prior segments and tone of comments were unhelpful, cheap shots, but will rework

BAM member –

1.       Nothing to add after others’ comments

2.       No written comments

BAM member –

1.       Similar comments as others; said George and Bai have to stay central

2.       Felt there were too many changes to POV 

3.       Suggested novel end with George and Bai – agree

4.       Don’t have George and Bai hug over corpse – agree, working

5.       No written comments