BLOG POST 211

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 211

The process –

Here is another segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

Chapter - 32

C

all STROBE if your gadgets detect any radar.” Yeddim saw one pilot in the Ready Room wasn’t listening and put him on the spot. “Handle, did you get that?”

    First Lieutenant Peled, AKA Handle, responded, “Yup. Got it!”

                “Showtime in twenty. THREE ZERO, as mission commander you fly tail end with the assault team. Make sure they SAFE all weapons in flight.” Yeddim breathed deeply; his reminder was a lesson from an assault team which shot up a helo in flight. The major muttered a verse from Psalm 118 under his breath, “The Lord is with me. I will not be afraid. What can anybody do to me?” It was a prayer for safe return.

THREE ZERO grinned, rolled his eyes, “I hope all birds are ready to fly; I get tired flapping my wings.” One of the commandos waved his arms up and down like he was flying; muted but universal snickering followed.

“Doubt it very much.” Handle countered. Some damn thing always comes up to spoil the ball.

The Squadron Operations Officer shook his head. He motioned for the tech watching the antics to give a mission reminder. The senior ordnance specialist walked to the front of the room, his face somber. “Pull all safety arming pins before you lift off.”

The three pilots slammed their helmets together, “Roger.”

Yeddim added, “Bring back our pilots,” as he motioned to the door.

The pilots grabbed helmets and headed to the door.  Their exit was interrupted by a crew chief entering, breathing hard. He held up his hands. “Wait. One bird didn’t check out. There was a glitch.” The tech explained that the final pre-flight of a Blackhawk found a hydraulic pump failure.

“Captain Avigdor, hate to spoil your day, but I had to down your helo. We’re prepping FIVE FOUR for you. There’ll be a ten minute delay in liftoff. We need to fuel it. But there is news,” the tech said.

Avigdor tensed, “What is it? It better be good.”

“Your new bird has a retrofit armor package. The engine cowlings are armored, stray bullets can’t take out your turbines. You’ll also have a Kevlar seat and underbody. Your jewels will be safe.”

“Thanks,” the captain grinned, “my wife will appreciate that.”

“Your new bird will be a bit slower,” the crew chief advised, “and your laser warning system didn’t respond to our pre-flight test. Do we still launch with it?”

“Damn straight,” First Lieutenant Eshel, Mission Commander barked, “As soon as all birds are gassed up.” He looked around, glanced at other pilots, and nodded.

“Everyone take a pit stop. Recheck your weapons, ammo, and protective gear. You lift off in ten; any questions?”  Yeddim asked. There were none, and he saw prayers being mouthed, buddies fingering checkered scarves with tassels.

Nine minutes later the pilots and rescue team walked in the dark to their helos. The walk arounds verified that all arming pins were pulled, the weapons armed and safe from stray voltages. Shotgun, THREE ZERO, and FIVE FOUR stepped up into their cockpits, and buckled up.  The pilots spun up the turbines and applied power. The helos rose in the air, hovered, then moved off. 

                        *********************************************

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual news versus the alternative,  emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

                        *********************************************

BAM 30 Jan 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Liked this addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Saw the changes you made – thanks

4.      Liked the scene where Bai was trailed – thanks

5.      Describe the evasion maneuver – agree, working

6.      Increase emphasis on George’s lack of appreciation for Bai’s fears – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Didn’t understand about parking meter experiment – disagree, explained in prior segments

2.      Interesting, but confusing  – disagree, explained in prior segments

3.      Watch for shifts in POV – agree, working

4.      Missed the transition from talking about parking ticket to being followed - working

5.      Incorporate narrative, dialogue of Bai being followed – agree, working

6.      Very descriptive - thanks

BAM member –

1.      No written comments –

2.      Thought it flowed well, understood dialogue - thanks

3.      Increase George’s paranoia about Bai being followed – agree, working

4.      Need clearer view of how she was being followed - disagree

BLOG POST 210

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 210

The process –

Here is a second segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

                        *********************************************

T

ooley recognized shit. It happened; it stunk. When it covered you, you got pissed - royally pissed! “Amir,” he yelled, “do we have TARGET written all over us, or is it just you?”

      Amir staggered to his feet, “Just me.” He brushed his clothes, mud from the leaking water, sand, and metallic fragments. He spat, swore angrily in several languages, and started to apologize.

O’Toole grabbed Amir’s wrist, stared intensely into his eyes. Blood vessels pulsed on Tooley’s neck, “What the fuck is going on?”

“Some sonofabitch tried to kill me! Those Israeli pricks tracked my cell phone, flew all the way here to kill me.”  

“Yeah, well I took it as personal,” Tooley bellowed. “I don’t like being collateral damage! Every time you invite me to a base this sorta shit happens.”

Amir rolled over, and rose clenching his fists. He screamed angrily to uniformed figures nearby, 

                                                                     “WEAPONS FREE!” 

Sergeant Bukharah waved acknowledgement to the general. He hefted, armed his shoulder launched missile, turned and elevated the launcher. The earpiece confirmed target acquisition and he squeezed the trigger. A missile launched, blowing sand everywhere as it leapt skyward toward the fighter.

Tooley coughed from the smoke as the missile took flight. He swore at the round, “Get that sonofabitch!”

                        *********************************************

BAM 23 Jan 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Another good addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Incorporate some symbol to designate change of setting – agree, working

4.      Was George joking in comment about Mafiosi – No, he has contract out on his life

5.      Increase conflict, tension – agree, working

6.      Incorporate narrative, dialogue of Bai being followed – agree, working

7.      Like “a magnet for angry people with weapons” – thanks

8.      Curious that George was more concerned about himself rather than Bai – agree, working

9.      What was intent of last section (being followed) – to increase tension about Mafia threats to George through Bai

BAM member –

1.      No written comments –

2.      Incorporate settings to ground the dialogue – agree, working

3.      Great dialogue - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Too much dialogue – agree, working

3.      Need to increase sense of urgency, conflict – agree, working

4.      Tighten up, too much “stuff” – agree, working

5.      Incorporate narrative, dialogue of Bai being followed – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Incorporate some symbol to designate change of setting – agree, working

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Correct POV shifts – agree, working

4.      Discussion of George’s experiment is confusing – agree, will tighten

5.      Explain how a student is “scary” – agree, working

6.      If George and Bai are talking about “Dad”, whose Dad are they discussing – Bai was describing her father

7.      Incorporate narrative, dialogue of Bai being followed – agree, working

BLOG POST 209

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 209

The process –

Here is a second segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

                        *********************************************

Both teens knew being shot required a shoot-‘em-up, unless a wizards’ wand was involved. The magical moment ended abruptly as a Call to Prayer reverberated from the speaker system. It interrupted everyone’s thoughts. Mick paused the movie, “What was that?’

Mamo reached up and muted the speaker. He began explaining the prayer call until a siren suddenly pierced the air. All covered their ears and stared incredulously towards the alarm. Flashing strobe lights added further tension, magnetizing everyone’s attention. The security panel near one light loudly announced a recorded warning:

                                  INTRUDER AT STAIRS! INTRUDER AT STAIRS!

Munirah fluttered her right hand in a horizontal gathering motion, beckoned Anh and the youngsters. “Move … quickly.” She hurried ahead to a cabinet, took a key, and opened it. From a rack within came a handgun and several magazines. She inserted one magazine. The expressions of the teenagers and Fadia accelerated from curiosity to fear.

Munirah turned, alarm on her face, and pointed down the hallway, “Get in our safe room … Now!”

Glassy with adrenaline, eyes cycled frenetically between horror, fear, and disbelief at the dual stimuli of the alarm and the pistol. As they assembled, Munirah pushed a button inset in the wall. A motor activated and a solid metal panel closed off the hallway.

Like a mother bear, the mothers’ eyes swept up to a security monitor as their youngsters moved to the room at the end of the hall. Munirah believed no one would mess with her cubs with mother bear around. Those that did risked getting their faces eaten off.

Mamo, suddenly aware of the implications of an intruder, turned to his older sister, “Will they hurt us?”

Fadia pulled the boys and Bai closer, “No!” Her answer was not convincing. “I’ll protect you, and the alarm summoned an Emergency Team from the base.” Her tone was now calm, “They’ll be here soon.”

Fadia shouted, “Mother, shoot him, or let me slam him.” She assumed a martial arts stance.

Munirah pointed, “No, Fadia. There are two Tasers in the cabinet. Get one!” 

Fadia scurried to the cabinet, and grabbed a Taser, tentatively fingering its trigger, “How do I use it?”

“Don’t worry; you’ve seen enough movies to know. I’ll shoot him, if he gets in. You’re our backup.” She paused, looked around, mentally assessing if all preparations were in place. “A team is coming from the base,” Munirah pronounced.

M&M, Bai, and Fadia had earlier each imagined some personal heroics. They uttered prayers in multiple languages … “Save us, we pray, from the sword of the stranger.”

“Anh, we’ll be safe. They can’t get through the barrier, but I’m ready.” Munirah slid the barrel assembly back and chambered a round, “Amir trained me to shoot.”

Fadia’s expression paled as she watched her mother’s finger rub the trigger guard.

Then all eyes shifted instantly to movement on the monitor. The pet Salukhi slunk behind the stairs beyond the fountain and yelped.

“Mom, don’t let them hurt Allat,” Bai pleaded, “Maybe she’ll chase them away.”

Soon the monitor exposed the intruder. A stray dog had snuck in; the monitor soon gave a close up of the Salukhis coupling. The on screen action generated chuckles from the mothers.

Fadia and the boys shared knowing grins. Mick tagged Mamo’s shoulder with a soft punch, blurted, “They’re humping, Mom!”

A puzzled look spread on Bai’s face, quickly replaced by an uncomfortable blush, “Yukky!”

Munirah pushed the button again and the metal panel motored back. Everyone walked to the family room and sat. Allat walked over, lay down, and licked Fadia’s foot.

Fadia whispered, “That stray was handsome for a Salukhi. I bet their puppies will be cute.” She bent down, grinned, and hugged Allat, “You slut.”

                                    *******************************************

BAM 16 Jan 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Another good addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Dialogue between Mick and George filled in Mick’s character – thanks

4.      Simplify George’s laptop log in - agree, working

5.      Use only one term/name for George – agree, working

6.      Flowed well – thanks

7.      Remove POV conflicts – agree, working

8.      Add foreshadowing of conflict – agree, working

9.      Tighten up dialogue – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Thought Elliott was a new character – agree, working

2.      Remove POV conflicts – agree, working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Some sections can be shortened – agree, working

5.      Seemed strange that George was hacking databases, violating his clearance – disagree, he’s cleared “trusted” and this is part of what he does

6.       Add foreshadowing of conflict – agree, working

7.      Suggested deleting first section on Bai’s first day of classes – disagree, sets up action later

BAM member –

1.      Editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Correct POV shift on first page – agree, working

3.      Use only one term/name for George – agree, working

4.      Better if George says “I’m crazy about your sister” and remove rest – agree, working

5.      Add foreshadowing of conflict – agree, working

6.      Tighten up dialogue – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Liked section with Bai’s first day on campus -thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Correct POV shifts – agree, working

4.      Use only one term/name for George, unless different characters speaking – agree, working

5.      Wording awkward about “when I wake, shower …” – agree, working

6.      Questioned why George would say “I saw you …” – agree, working

7.      Add foreshadowing of conflict – agree, working

8.      Shorten dialogue between George and Mick – agree, working

9.      I have a feeling “finding Judy” is going to bite everyone - agree

BLOG POST 208

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 208

The process –RWG monthly meeting/Christmas gathering -  Members conducted book swaps, exchanging my Kashan Kashmeeri with fellow RWG authors for the following:

            Bronwen Chisholm – Behind the mask – BUY!

I re-read a favorite book, Tom Clancy’s – The Teeth of the Tiger and David Baldacci’s The Collectors, Stone Cold, and Divine Justice. I’m getting a feel for detective genre as I research material for my future Murder and Mayhem series.

I found some free software programs on the Internet, installed them and converted PDF copies of my first two novels to Word format. My earlier copies had been lost when my external hard drive copies … went away with the wind. Now I can begin to edit and update the two novels into trimmer second editions, then publish them as Print on demand.

                        ****************************************

Ah, at last. I’m including a segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

                        *****************************************

T

hat flight, it was two years ago, actually twenty-six months. I’ll never forget what happened,” Khuman looked at Amir, uncertain if he should discuss a clandestine operation, even with a lieutenant general he knew, “It was the most terrifying day of my life.”

Amir looked at his colleagues’ face, “Colonel, just to be clear, the plan for that mission was mine. I authorized and funded that undertaking … well, actually Force Ten funded that flight.”

The aviator wrung his hands, “It was a long time ago; yet I’m talking about it for the first time. Everyone on the Op was sworn to secrecy. It started out as a normal flight, even if it was across several countries, at night and below radar coverage. An hour before we were to take off, we loaded and filled two fuel bladders, and two armed ATVs. Then heavily armed commandos marched on board, guarding four small strong boxes with painted out labeling.”

“I read the report of the operation, but much more went on that was not documented. Fill me in.”

“General, I was comfortable with the extra fuel, but I hated having those ATVs onboard. They could break loose and disrupt my plane’s stability. And those armed commandos made me nervous. My pre-flight brief covered just the route and little on the assignment.  I’d never flown black ops before … and we were flying a long, long way loaded for trouble. Even my plane’s insignia was painted over.”

“I expect you figured out what we were doing by the time you got back?”

“Yes. We flew to a clandestine airfield to meet a black market arms dealer and get some old missiles.”

“That didn’t all show up in the TOP SECRET report.”

“Far more than that happened. When we landed, three armed pickup trucks surrounded my plane, blocking takeoff. We positioned ATVs and guards to provide our own security. The situation was scary as hell,” the aviator said. He squirmed, sweat rolling off his brow despite the passage of two plus years.

“I thought we’d been set up, my plane would be stormed, and we’d all be killed. C-130s are a premium item on the black market and we were in a precarious situation. I nervously kept two motors running.” Khuman’s forehead wrinkled with anxiety, “Our men were confronting theirs. Takeoff seemed impossible and we were outgunned … and I didn’t have a clue what was going to happen.”

“Go on.”

                                    *********************************************

BAM 09 Jan 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Good addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Easy to follow – thanks

4.      Focus more on Bai in second scene, seemed formal – agree, working

5.      Questioned meaning of Mick spraying in bathroom – for fumes, with deodorant

BAM member –

1.      Very easy to follow – thanks

2.      Enjoyed, nice flow – thanks

3.      Enjoyed conversation – thanks

4.      Three mentions of use of humor – thanks

5.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

6.      Questioned whether Bai would know her brothers’ emotions – yes, grew up together

7.      The characters seemed real – thanks

8.      Dialogue seemed too mushy when Bai teared up - agree, working

BAM member –

1.      POV is strong – thanks

2.      Unclear whether POV was Maria or Bai in second section - working

3.      What does “tepid” mean – tentatively, weakly

4.      Thought mentioning “this” as reference to dinner theater was brilliant

5.      Correct POV shift on first page – agree, working

6.      Thought baseball video playback review non-existent – in use by MLB since 2009

7.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

8.      Suggested deleting obvious statements of feelings – agree, working

9.      Correct POV error at end – agree, working

BAM member (New member) –

1.      Dialogue seemed too formal when Bai teared up - agree, working

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Correct POV shift on first page – agree, working

4.      Remove “Life’s not fair” as obvious, implied – agree, working

5.      Questioned mention of academic paper reflecting feelings – disagree, intentional

BAM member (New member) –

1.       Still learning what to look for

2.      Are all the characters made up (fictional) – Yes

3.      No written comments

BAM member (arrived too late to participate) –

1.       No verbal or written comments