BLOG POST 197

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 197

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 178; total word count inched up to 98 K, and percent increased to 100.0 percent …. and That’s All Folks!!!.

Ahead lies several weeks of intensive editing, assignment of chapter numbers, and devising a cover. Then the final product needs to go to BOOKBABY for processing as a Print On Demand product.

BAM 27 June 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree with most; working

2.      Good way to tie up – thanks

3.      Stefano’s description of protocols too lengthy – agree, working

4.      Nicely done – thanks

5.      Reduce use of coalesced – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Comes off as a cynical rehash of old (regional) problems with no hope of peace – does reflect the region

2.      Minor editorial comments – agree

3.      Questioned need for one paragraph on Stefano seeing despair in negotiators – will consider

4.      Too much detail in dialogue on peace protocols – agree; working

5.      Challenged use of clichés – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Good wrap-up - thanks

2.       Liked the helo accident – thanks

3.      Stefano’s question/answer technique got old; show emotional responses – agree

4.      Minor editorial comments – agree

5.      Seemed odd the shooter and man he shot were so friendly – they’re cousins

BAM member –

1.       Writing was clear - thanks

2.       Minor editorial comments – agreed with some

3.      Use fewer acronyms – disagree; part of genre

4.      Good imagery – thanks

5.      Good ending, best writing I’ve seen you do – thanks

BAM member –

1.      Good ending – thanks

2.      Change injected to interject6ed – agree, working

3.      Liked the part where General was thrown from helo - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Really enjoyed; brought story together - thanks

2.       Good wrap-up - thanks

3.      No written comments

BAM member (new member) –

1.       Good ending - thanks

2.       Felt like Stefano was writing a memo (peace protocols) – agree; working

3.      Show, rather than tell, of Stefano’s feelings – agree, working

4.      Minor editorial comments – agreed with some

BAM member –

1.       Tickled all five senses - thanks

2.      Great, beautifully written, loved the piece  - thanks

3.      Very good imagery – thanks

4.      Great contrast to history - thanks

BAM member -

1.       Well written, easy to follow – thanks

2.      Spell out PM as Prime Minister – disagree; done in earlier segments

3.      Well done – thanks

4.      Minor editorial comments – agree

BAM member –

1.       Good wrap-up – thanks

2.      Excellent finish - thanks

3.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.       Stefano’s dialogue about peace protocols too lengthy – agree; working

2.      Liked it – thanks

3.      Show, rather than tell, reactions – agree, working

4.      Minor editorial comments – agree

5.      Break up the dialogue on peace protocols with Tooley’s reactions – agree, working

BLOG POST 196

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 196

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 180; total word count inched up to 97.7 K, and percent increased to  99.0 percent.

BAM 06 June 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree with most; working

2.      Good job staying with plot line – thanks

3.      Suggested inner dialogue contrast with stated words – agree

BAM member –

1.      Good pace, one of clearest so far - thanks

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Good pace and tension – thanks

2.      Liked the mention of guards and their support for mission - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Good chapter, build up of tension - thanks

2.       Caution on multiple points of view – agree; working

BAM member –

1.       Reads better than any before - thanks

2.       Good pace - thanks

3.      Minor editorial comments – agreed with some

4.      Use fewer acronyms – disagree; part of genre

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Kept my interest – thanks

2.      Too many abbreviations – disagree; part of genre

3.      Felt inner thoughts of characters were not needed - disagree

4.      No written comments

BAM member –     

1.      Better job of writing (than previous) – thanks

2.      State that Ellington is President – disagree; previously mentioned numerous times

3.       Liked coverage of press conference – thanks

4.      Recognized high stakes, fate of free world in balance - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Near perfect, a good chapter - thanks

2.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.       Confused by who was talking at times – working

2.      Liked the tension throughout – thanks

3.      Liked nod to reality with podium and coffee - thanks

4.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Many good editorial comments – agree; working

2.      Clarify who Ellington is – disagree; included previously

3.      Difference between Presidents’ body language and words – it is about war and deceit about nuclear bombs being used

4.      Clarify who Counselor is – disagree; She’s VP and identified previously

BLOG POST 195

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 195

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 181; total word count inched down to 97.6 K, and percent increased to  98.2 percent.

RWG 11 June 2016 critique comments

RWG member –

1.      Urgency of war realistic – thanks

2.      Resonates with me as a reader – thanks

3.      The tone is exciting; political dialogue feels real – thanks

4.      Politicians lying to each other seems realistic, enjoyed it - thanks

RWG member (new member) –

1.       Pace too fast – disagree

2.      Narration jumps often without leadins – agree; working

3.      Use characters to describe feelings - agree

4.      Minor editorial comments – agreed with half

5.      Rodolofo too poetic in his words – agree; working

6.      Reword “mélange of prayers” – agree; working

RWG member -

1.      Show how Commander-in-Chief tensed – agree

2.      Describe age of kids sooner – agree

3.      Identify town – done in earlier segment

4.      Clarify APC – armored personnel carriers – agree; working

5.      Minor editorial changes – agree; working

RWG member –

1.       Questioned meanings of CRITIC and BROKEN ARROW – described, defined earlier

2.      No written comments

RWG member –

1.       Suggested describing “ethnic embellishments” – agree; working

2.       Change Peace to lower case – agree

3.      Name Israeli family as participants – disagree; they’d be throwaway characters

4.      No written comments

RWG member –

1.       No written comments provided

2.      One of your best; your writing is improving – thanks

3.      Questioned whether “Kibbutzim” was a realistic Israeli family name – working

4.      Action and plot clear; some language too flowery – agree; working

5.      POTUS wouldn’t speak that way (blunt) – disagree

6.      Couldn’t establish the story, flow - working

BLOG POST 194

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 194

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 184; total word count inched up to 98.1 K, and percent increased to  96.5 percent.

BAM 06 June 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree with most; working

2.      Too passive wording at points - working

3.      Ship hull numbers unnecessary - disagree

4.      Moves well – thanks

5.      Identify who briefed Tooley at office – agree

6.      Questioned tense of verbs – disagree; working

7.      Identify the pilots target – agree; working

BAM member –

1.      Narrative seems oddly familiar – yes, but of greater intensity with arming of a bomb and planes’ launch. Tension is being ratcheted up

2.      Identifying technical details detracts from reader interest – disagree; audience

3.      Too many new characters – agree; working

4.      Clarify the events, and timing – agree; working

5.      Change facsimile to fax – disagree; used earlier in same paragraph

6.      Minor editorial comments – agreed with most

BAM member –

1.      Story and writing clearer - thanks

2.      Too many new characters – agree; working

3.      Pacing varies a great deal; too much – agree; tension is being ratcheted up

4.      Liked humorous reference to nuclear winter - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Nuclear tension, plus added military insubordination - thanks

2.       Saw foreshadowing of confrontation - thanks

3.      Thought pilot would personally inspect the bomb – agree; working to explain that a good pilot would, a zealot might not

4.      Minor editorial comments – agreed with most

5.      Was confused with numerous new named characters - – working; will make them anonymous

BAM member –

1.       Writing better, more clear - thanks

2.       Jumping from place to place makes reading difficult – disagree; required to show complexity of story

3.      Identify WHSR as setting – agree

4.      Too much technical detail – working to simplify

5.      Minor editorial comments – disagreed with many

6.      Identify settings more clearly – agree; working

7.      Thought CAPS not needed in SANG Road name – disagree; SANG is the acronym for Saudi Arabian National Guard, and used previously

8.      Identify the pilots target – agree; working

BAM member -

1.      Can’t “connect” with new (throw away) characters – working; will make them anonymous

2.      Unclear about names/introduction of two captains (aviators) - agree

3.      Too many new characters with no personality – working

4.      Minor editorial comments – agree

5.      New characters lack emotional appeal – I tried to illustrate that even some military have consciences. Their names in Hebrew were significant.

6.      Identify WHSR as setting for NSC meeting and dialogue - agree

BAM new member) –

1.       Liked way pieces broken out – thanks

2.       Waiting to see what the Israeli Generals’ orders are - thanks

3.      No written comments

BAM new member –     

1.      Lots of interesting action, but pace too fast – thanks; near end of novel excitement about nuclear war

2.       Wanted elaboration on two special weapons ordnance techs, and aviators - working

3.      Lots of interesting events, but coming too fast – disagree; near start of potential nuclear war

4.      Liked imagery of F-15 and dust at blast deflector - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Writing and structure better, but still lost in story -

2.      No written comments