BLOG POST 190

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 190

Missed participating in a Books A Million review because I was visiting a family member in an ICU. The relative was not expected to pull through, but has since recovered. Many fascinating observations from the San Diego (SD) hospital visits – the hospital charged for parking; the SD freeway system plugs up solidly at rush hour.  The vast majority of drivers obey the speed limits, while a minority roar by, around, and through the speed limit observers at great speed. I ate a quick lunch at a Costco near the hospital; a 16 inch hot dog (or Polish) and drink cost only $1.65, and one didn’t have to be a member to purchase the meal.

I also attempted to visit an older brother in Westminster, CA – the site of Little Saigon and an old Vietnamese friend’s coffee shop. Unfortunately my brother and I couldn’t seem to find each other. I ate at the shop – Le Croissant D’Ore. It has great cappuccino, served Vietnamese style, and great croissants.  Vast displays in the community were in Vietnamese, despite several generations of naturalization. Almost every shop displayed flags of the fallen Republic of (South) Vietnam.

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 196; total word count inched down to 98.9 K, and percent increased to  89.9 percent.

BAM 25 April 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Less confusing than previous - thanks

2.      Great imagery; great action – thanks

3.      Still confused about who good guys are – working

4.      What are turrets – the movable part of a tank’s top, with cannon

5.      Wanted to see, feel more gore – disagree; not likely in a tank battle

6.      Asked if identified Israeli Colonel was Saudi or Israeli – as written, and briefed

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree; working

2.      Good action, really, really good – thanks

3.      Poem doesn’t work, as this isn’t a suicide attack – disagree; It might be

4.      Suggested removing one of Colonel Ubaidi’s inner thoughts – disagree; serves to imply something is afoot

BAM member –

1.      Liked the indentation of paragraphs - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agreed with most, working

3.      Baffled by use of Charge of the Light Brigade, felt it interrupts the narrative – disagree

4.      Make the distribution of the ‘found ammo’ slower – agree; working

BAM member –

1.      Well written, good action and flow – thanks

2.      Use of poem slowed reading, didn’t fit – disagree; working

3.      Liked imagery of tethered camels – thanks

4.      Liked imagery of talcum sand – thanks

5.      Moves quickly - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree with most; working

2.      Had problem with use of poem, is it running in someone’s mind – good idea, working

3.      Confused about who are good vs bad guys – thanks; my intention

4.      Liked imagery of talcum sand – thanks

5.       

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree; working

2.      Liked use of poem, but put in italics  - thanks; working

3.      Shorten sentence with ‘tethered camel’ – working

4.      Liked ‘talcum sand’ imagery  - thanks

5.      Think about collapsing several characters into one – disagree; too many now

6.      So much easier to follow with indentation of paragraphs - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree with most; working

1.      Good narrative and characters – thanks

2.      Loved use of Charge of the Light Brigade - thanks

3.      Felt he was in the TOC listening to reports of combat - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Too many ‘sciency’ words, too great a use of military terms – IT’S A WAR!

2.      Easier to read, but felt clunky

3.      Not sure who was whom– read and absorb. I briefed before reading. 

BAM (new) member –

       1.  Improved compared to previous segment – thanks

       2.  Liked action - thanks