BLOG POST 188

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 188

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 204; total word count inched down to 101.9 K, and percent increased t0 84.3 percent.

BAM 04 April 2016 critique comments

Process:  After reviewing each participant written and verbal suggestions, I decide whether to accept and modify the draft to agree with their ideas. Alternately, I may disagree, in which case I note my reasons.

I found it difficult to develop useful substitutes for word “drone.” UAV, unmanned aircraft and low flying aircraft were suggested.

Double spacing will restrict my ability to get segments reviewed and meet a production timetable. Will experiment with spacing.

This critique session was not pleasant. Suggestions were particularly focused on use of too much technical detail, and too many characters – thus confusing readers. Changes have been made; I hope they suffice.

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Liked imagery of “dark mass falling to earth” – thanks

2.      Urged caution with POV shifts – agree, working

3.      Reduce technical detail – agree; working

4.      Change “summary” to scenes - working

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree; working

2.      Reduce usage of grumble/grumbling – agree, working

3.      Watch for potential change of POV – agree; working

4.      Technical jargon dragged – agree; working

5.      Story clear, could follow - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Indent paragraphs and dialogue – no; I already set the format long ago

2.      Asked what gawa is – Arabic, cardamom flavored coffee. Described earlier in novel.

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Clarify speakers in dialogue – agree, working

5.      Concentrate on smaller number of characters – agree; working

BAM member –

1.      Please double space – agree, working

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Good dialogue – thanks

4.      Very good description of radio dispatches – thanks

5.      LOL - Liked sentence about character missing “muster on the day brains were passed out” - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Overall good – thanks

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.      Suggested use of “unmanned aircraft and low flying aircraft” for drone – working

4.      Liked imagery of “dark mass falling to earth” – thanks

5.      Found “Swear words filled the control room” – agree, working

6.      Usage of “drone” multiple times not a problem

7.      Double space - working

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree with most; working

2.      Indent – no; I already set the format long ago

3.      Too technically written – disagree, but will soften

BAM member –

1.      Good addition to book – thanks

2.      Interesting window into war scenario - thanks

3.      Technical description slows the story – agree, working

4.      Radio communications too abstract for civilian reader – working

5.      Narrative slows reader - working

6.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Great narrative, liked technical detail - thanks

2.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Double space, set spacing between paragraphs to zero – working

2.      Indent – no; I already set the format long ago

3.      No written comments