BLOG POST 185

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 185

Process – Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went up to 211; total word count went up to to 101.2 K, and percent increased to 79.7 percent.

Still reading Agatha Christie’s The ABC Murders. My purpose is to get a sense for the flow of detective novels as preparation to writing a series of detective novels.

Received a number of markups and editorial changes from “Gomes.” A smiley face was included and very positive comments about the excitement about the story line, and whether it was true.

BAM 14 March 2016 critique comments

At fourteen participants, this was the largest group for a critique. This strained the time allowed, and generated comments out of turn, which disrupted the process. Overall it went well. One member whose entry was not quite ready left early, looking disappointed.

BAM member –

1.      Able to follow; great action – thanks

2.      Great imagery – thanks

3.      Loved the Israeli General’s name – no change; used previously

4.      Reduce overuse of “prisoner” – agree

5.      Great buildup in prisoner interview – thanks

6.      Loved how the reader was brought into the setting – thanks

7.      Loved use of humor – thanks

8.      Loved how reader was allowed to see the environment – thanks

9.      Great dialogue – thanks

10.  One of your better chapters - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

2.      More character driven; it worked - thanks

3.      Suggested adding segment about what happens to the prisoner – agree, will come later

4.      A little mysterious about periods – tried to be

5.      Liked “sonofabitch genes run in the family” – thanks

6.      Suggested word change to replace “desire dripping from her face” - agree

BAM member –

1.      First time with personal character interaction - thanks

2.      Lots of editorial changes – agree on most; working

3.      This is really good writing – thanks

4.      Questioned the bit about “How do you know of my father?” – it explains the fact that the prisoners father had shot both Amir and Tooley. Ties story and characters together.

5.      Asked who was in third car – Tooley, as it says

6.      Suggested using consistent names for characters – disagree; the prisoner would not know O’Tooles’ personal name

BAM member –

1.      Was able to follow – thanks

2.      Loved the character interactions – thanks

3.      Good details and descriptions – thanks

4.      Suggested word change to replace “desire dripping from her face” - agree

BAM member –

1.      Interesting story, good juxtaposition of story with human side – thanks

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.      Easy to follow – thanks

4.      Solid dialogue – thanks

5.      Suggested adding segment about what happens to the prisoner – agree, will come later

6.      Asked if the war is over – no; more to follow

7.      Suggested word change to replace “desire dripping from her face” - agree

BAM member –

1.      Liked that cousins were included - thanks

2.      Many editorial changes – agree with most; working

3.      Awkward POV shifts on page 2 – agree, but will leave as is

4.      Suggested meeting with a gynecologist would be later – agree

5.      Wonderful! – thanks

6.      Asked if prisoner was being released – no; will address later (shows I did achieve tension about his status

BAM member –

1.      Liked flow, humor - thanks

2.      Needs better transition to Mick and Bai’s dialogue – disagree; she had punched him

3.      Easy to read and follow – thanks

4.      Good dialogue and use of humor - thanks

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Liked it, good flow  - thanks

2.      Readable, great writing and dialogue – thanks

3.      Enjoyed - thanks

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Good chapter, good description of phone conversation - thanks

2.      DNA disclosure nice surprise - thanks

3.      Chinese restaurant scene well done – thanks

4.      Liked the distraction of Chinese restaurant – thanks

5.      Good follow-up from the air and missile battles, explaining damage and future strategy - thanks

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Liked it – thanks

2.      As a military man, liked inclusion of family side - thanks

BAM member (new members) –

1.      Liked it - thanks