Blog Post 117

Reviews of third segment of Kashan Kashmeeri

Suggestions/comments follow:

Explain “All from a drop of blood” – agree; in process

Soften the forced dialogue – agree; in process

Identify for whom the kiss held promise – agree; in process

Various word choice and grammatical suggestions – agree; in process

Use female formulas to write about women – agree; in process

Don’t list character traits – agree; in process

Reduce formality of narrative, use dialogue – agree; in process

Reduce usage of dominantly male phrases – agree; in process

Reduce drama and emotion of dialogue – disagree

Describe what happened at the Camel Race, reaction of crowd to the King – agree; in process

Reduce abrupt changes of characters – agree; in process

Suggested changes to what the King would say – in process

Describe how the King moved and talked – agree; in process

Convert narrative to dialogue – agree; in process

Have characters speak more informally – agree; in process

Second reviewer’s comments:

Change dialogue to female POV, perhaps Valley Girl, vernacular – agree; in process

Read a Nicholas Spark’s novel for appreciation of female POV – agree; in process