BLOG POST 247

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 247

BAM 26 March 2018 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Bright spot with action – thanks

2.       Clarify whether County or State jurisdiction – agree, working

3.       Add details of local Germanna colony – agree, plan to later

4.       Suggested adding more about forensics, putting on booties, gloves – agree

5.       Specify that well is for water – understood

6.       The dialog is so good, incredibly realistic – thanks

7.       Your action is 100X better than earlier works – thanks

8.       Were procedures about ME and funeral home correct – yes (I talked with funeral home director as part of research, after asking detective LT.)

9.       Liked Mrs. Orloff wringing her hands - thanks

10.   Clarify if victim killed by gun – Yes, covered earlier in 911 call

11.   Is the term “Black and Whites” still used – will check

12.  Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Well written, good addition – thanks

2.       Add more local color – agree, working

3.       Clarify why furniture is important – agree, about to describe in next segment

4.       Clarify whether County or State jurisdiction – agree, working

5.       Improve “verbally skewered” with examples or delete – agree, working

6.       Why does Wills mention that deceased rented his fields – detectives will need to ask them if they saw anyone or vehicles by home of deceased

7.       Explain why preliminary autopsy report mentioned – setting the scene for detectives to visit and be told of evidence

8.       Delete extraneous scene descriptions – agree, working

9.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Written well – thanks

2.       Was able to jump right in and follow story – thanks

3.       Dialog was real, I saw it – thanks

4.       Character interactions on spot – thanks

5.       I can’t wait for next week - thanks

6.       Incorporate more movement and descriptions of scenes - agree

7.       Suggested showing what detective partner doing – agree, working

8.       Do not capitalize Next Of Kin – I have since checked. It isn’t.

9.       Liked use of humor - thanks

10.  Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.      Credible addition, well written - thanks

2.      Correct POV head hopping shifts - agree, working

3.      What type of currency or coins were in the chest – we’ll discover soon (I promise)

4.      Clarify how we know this was a murder – described in 911 call

5.      Clarify why German descendant brashly called a “fool” - agree

6.      Numerous editorial suggestions – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Well written – thanks

2.       Reduce repetition in process wording – agree, working

3.       Liked description of the tilted power poles – thanks

4.       Clarify why State Trooper was there – agree (had his scanner on and was nearby)

5.       Delete mention that organs not eligible for donation – agree, working

6.       Describe Mrs. Orloff (cleaning lady) – agree, working

7.       Clarify why Wills would mention things about German immigrants – agree (she’s local and lives nearby)

8.       Delete identification of Free Lance-Star with Fredericksburg – disagree, other readers may not be locals (and FLS in later parts of the novel)

9.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Correct POC shifts – agree, working

2.       The dialog was great - thanks

3.      Clarify how Dispatcher knew case was murder – agree, working

4.      Enjoyed humor – thanks

5.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

BLOG POST 246

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 246

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And, of course, I’ve had that other distraction of mine – TWITTER. Am over twenty-three thousand tweets at this point and average bumped up from 28 to 36 followers on two spectacular days. BOOYAH!

My notes and very, very, rough draft of newest novel now stands at 115 pages.

Murder and Mayhem – Payroll Deduction.

ALERT to e-authors. Discovered that there are a number of apps for cells and other electronic devices which will read E-books to you. This provides a GREAT, NEW avenue to use in

MARKETING

Three of said PDF readers for Android phones are: PDF Reader, Voice Aloud reader, and PDF Voice.

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The BAM critique session on Monday, March 12, was cancelled because of what a Spotsylvania Deputy described as “a Police Event.” Here’s a link to local paper - http://www.fredericksburg.com/news/crime_courts/threat-temporarily-closes-spotsylvania-town-centre/article_e7960af6-d0b9-52d6-a496-ad2d0c96f9db.html  Every entrance to the vast mall parking lot was sealed by a deputy (in Personal protective armor) and his/her vehicle with Blue lights flashing.

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BAM 19 March 2018 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Clarify how three men could form a “skirmish line” – confusion of war existed

2.      Asked why drivers’ name not revealed – intentional choice, but may reconsider

3.      Suggested deleting farmer and son burying dead and discussing boxes in creek – disagree

4.      Show 911 caller dialog first – agree, working

5.      Include ambulance (EMTs) in 911 response – agree

6.      Suggested this was a murder mystery - correct

7.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Bright spot with action – thanks

2.       Clarify details – agree, working

3.       Suggested starting with Chapter 2, then looking back - disagree

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.      Suggested adding section break for driver waking - agree

2.      Followed the story well, follows logically and hangs together – thanks

3.      Numerous editorial suggestions – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Descriptions are great – thanks

2.       Intrigued by story - thanks

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

4.      Suggested removing sections breaks – disagree; POV change requires its use

5.      Suggested changing Chapter 2 to read 1 – disagree; time shift

6.      Clarify how Dispatcher knew case was murder – agree, working

7.      Show how 2016 story tied to Civil War – Search for Union payroll and subsequent murder of descendant at same farm where gold hidden

BAM member –

1.       Good description of war, battle, and fear of being surrounded – thanks

2.       Clarify why boy waited to tell father of strongboxes in creek – agree, he had sworn a blood oath to not disclose (then forgot)

3.      Clarify how Dispatcher knew case was murder – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Wondered about huge time jump – required by story of hidden Union payroll, subsequent murder of descendant at same farm where gold hidden

2.       Clarify how this was first murder case in months – agree, working

3.       No written comments

Sidelight – Recent news, of March 2018, tell of searches being conducted in Pennsylvania for 2.2 tons of Union gold missing since the Civil War. See - https://www.yahoo.com/news/treasure-hunters-fbi-search-lost-164349592.html