BLOG POST 236

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 236

I queried the disinterested, found they were indifferent. I discovered there had been an upwelling of apathy, but no one cared. Sad!

I renewed my RWG membership and bought two copies of the group’s anthology. River Tides is the title of the effort, and it’s filled with short stories, poems, and reading surprises.

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 133 pages reviewed.

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BAM 11 September 2017 critique comments

 

Alternate reviewer –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Incorporate more of Bai’s feelings about fireworks diversion, rather than Luong’s desire for a story - agree

BAM member –

1.      Moved story along well – thanks

2.      Resolve POV issues – agree, working

3.      Did not understand utility of “that particular cousin” – agree, working

4.      Too much background on Drake, say he smelled a great story – will consider

5.      Reduce use of awkward attempts at humor – less is more – agree, working

6.      Liked segment; we’re moving to story’s resolution – thanks

7.      Questioned current use of Cray supercomputers – will verify, but the Prof uses it personally, not at work

8.      Questioned “little security” at San Onofre nuclear power plant – will modify description

9.      Numerous editorial changes – agree, working

10.  Suggested reducing background on Drake Luong – disagree, building tension of his news infatuation and connection to Bai. Will rework.

BAM member –

1.      Parts where story looks back are awesome – thanks

2.      Liked Bai being back in the story – thanks

3.      Correct POV issues – agree, working

4.      George’s face blanching, but POV issue – he can’t see his own face – agree, working

5.      Didn’t understand reference to “our book” – will clarify its usage in Monterey

6.      Minimize Judy hanging her head – agree, working

7.      Didn’t believe terrorists were practicing on the San Andreas Fault line – disagree, it was part of the story earlier

8.      Loved that story recalled relevance of prior Monterey trip – thanks

9.      Disputed the source of “ashes, ashes, we all fall down” as originating from 14^th C plague – disagree, Google agrees, but I’ll simplify wording

10.  Suggested leaving out background on Drake Luong – disagree, building tension of his news infatuation. Will rework.

BAM member –

1.      Good, wide ranging, liked it’s being straightforward – thanks

2.      Change awkward use of “strode” to walked – agree, working

3.      Tighten up the van situation – agree, working

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Reduce multiple use of “sleep” – agree, working

6.      Improve awkward sentence with Judy looking – agree, working

7.      Questioned use of explosive mix’s specific outputs – agree, but it was fun researching

8.      Eliminate awkward sentence of Drake being “that particular cousin” – agree, working

9.      Improve awkward sentence of Judy’s examination of faces in Ops Center – agree, working

10.  Numerous editorial changes – agree, working

11.  Improve Tommy’s conversation with Drake, about Bai – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Good flow, pacing, continuation of story - thanks

2.      Eliminate frequent use of “blanched” – agree, working