BLOG POST 238

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 238

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 141 pages reviewed. This equates to a word count of 60,000.

I attended the Fredericksburg, VA Independent Book Fair on Saturday with fellow members of the Riverside Writers Group (RWG). There were actually six tables across Fredericksburg’s Riverfront Park displaying their printed works. 

The RWG recently published another anthology featuring short stories and poetry efforts of members. The effort is titled River Tides and is available via Print On Demand through Amazon. Among its many works is a poem by yours truly, Pursuit of the word.

Over the weekend I followed the glitter of another local shiny object. Fredericksburg’s Convention Center hosted its annual Stamps and Coins event. I went briefly on Saturday in hopes of disposing of a large assemblage of stamps representing the hobby interests of my Dad, oldest brother Dan and his sons, and my own collecting. Though the stamps represented a vast source of memories about collecting over decades I decided it was time to dispose of them. Luckily I found a vendor, the Postal History Center from NC who was interested. Saved a few stamps, but the boxes, more boxes, and binders are now – gone. 

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BAM 25 September 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Lots of detail, some not credible – agree, working

2.      Clarify wording about location of Adnan’s van versus that of Damadh – agree, working

3.      Reduce repetitive mention of terrorist leaders’ location – agree, working

4.      Clarify the relative locations of the terrorists and sensor array, versus FBI and Bai, Maria, the B&B, and US Marshall – will try to improve

5.      Tension is ratcheting up - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Like how things are coming together – thanks

2.      Too much information, telling, then repeating – agree, working

3.      Suggested change of dialogue between Adnan and Damadh to increase tension – will consider

4.      Insert POV shift – agree, working

5.      Questioned if cool air would change drone battery response, or lift – yes

6.      Delete repetitive identification of Adnan calling Judy about his location – will improve

7.      Questioned how Judy would keep agents from killing Adnan – keep reading; there’s a plan

8.      Concerned that Judy has become central character – stay tuned

9.      Questioned why an agent would ask about what weapons he was facing – Duh, he’s concerned with the fire power in front of him

10.  Reduce repetitive mention of terrorist leaders’ location – agree, working

11.  Concerned with possible loss of story tension if bomb doesn’t blow up – stay tuned

12.  Questioned why Bai was setting off fireworks – stated before it was a diversion to distract the terrorists

13.  “At this point something has to explode” – stay tuned

14.  Suggested a twist in the story – thanks, agree and working

BAM member –

1.      Felt confusion about names of good versus bad guys (couldn’t recall from previous)

2.      Questioned Judy becoming the central character – because of FBI role in anti-terrorism actions

3.      Minor editorial change – agree, working

4.      Questioned Judy fears about her career – she was reassigning her fears away from her possible death

BAM member –

1.      Thought really good addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial change – agree, working

3.      Reduce repetitive mention of De La Luz’s name (page 3) – agree, working

BLOG POST 237

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 237

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 137 pages reviewed. This equates to a word count of 58,000.

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BAM 18 September 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Lots of detail, some not credible – agree, working

2.      Felt it presumptuous that Maria was making B&B reservations – working to improve

3.      Not credible that Drake got by police, suggested an alternative twist – agree, working (thanks for idea)

4.      Numerous editorial and punctuation changes  – agree, working

5.      Looking forward to the boom - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Lots of action, lots happening – thanks

2.      Too much information, telling, then repeating – agree, working

3.      Tighten up sentences, reduce extraneous words – agree, working

4.      Numerous editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Eliminate either “no place to hide” or “We can’t duck and cover” – agree, working

6.      Shorten description of Bai “driving like a maniac …”- agree, working

7.      Questioned wording of some descriptions – agree, working to improve

8.      Improve wording of Maria getting rooms – agree, working to improve

BAM member –

1.      Yeah, great buildup - thanks

2.      Minor editorial change – agree, working

3.      Great tension at the end - thanks

4.      Good continuation of story, waiting for explosion - thanks

BLOG POST 236

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 236

I queried the disinterested, found they were indifferent. I discovered there had been an upwelling of apathy, but no one cared. Sad!

I renewed my RWG membership and bought two copies of the group’s anthology. River Tides is the title of the effort, and it’s filled with short stories, poems, and reading surprises.

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 133 pages reviewed.

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BAM 11 September 2017 critique comments

 

Alternate reviewer –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Incorporate more of Bai’s feelings about fireworks diversion, rather than Luong’s desire for a story - agree

BAM member –

1.      Moved story along well – thanks

2.      Resolve POV issues – agree, working

3.      Did not understand utility of “that particular cousin” – agree, working

4.      Too much background on Drake, say he smelled a great story – will consider

5.      Reduce use of awkward attempts at humor – less is more – agree, working

6.      Liked segment; we’re moving to story’s resolution – thanks

7.      Questioned current use of Cray supercomputers – will verify, but the Prof uses it personally, not at work

8.      Questioned “little security” at San Onofre nuclear power plant – will modify description

9.      Numerous editorial changes – agree, working

10.  Suggested reducing background on Drake Luong – disagree, building tension of his news infatuation and connection to Bai. Will rework.

BAM member –

1.      Parts where story looks back are awesome – thanks

2.      Liked Bai being back in the story – thanks

3.      Correct POV issues – agree, working

4.      George’s face blanching, but POV issue – he can’t see his own face – agree, working

5.      Didn’t understand reference to “our book” – will clarify its usage in Monterey

6.      Minimize Judy hanging her head – agree, working

7.      Didn’t believe terrorists were practicing on the San Andreas Fault line – disagree, it was part of the story earlier

8.      Loved that story recalled relevance of prior Monterey trip – thanks

9.      Disputed the source of “ashes, ashes, we all fall down” as originating from 14^th C plague – disagree, Google agrees, but I’ll simplify wording

10.  Suggested leaving out background on Drake Luong – disagree, building tension of his news infatuation. Will rework.

BAM member –

1.      Good, wide ranging, liked it’s being straightforward – thanks

2.      Change awkward use of “strode” to walked – agree, working

3.      Tighten up the van situation – agree, working

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Reduce multiple use of “sleep” – agree, working

6.      Improve awkward sentence with Judy looking – agree, working

7.      Questioned use of explosive mix’s specific outputs – agree, but it was fun researching

8.      Eliminate awkward sentence of Drake being “that particular cousin” – agree, working

9.      Improve awkward sentence of Judy’s examination of faces in Ops Center – agree, working

10.  Numerous editorial changes – agree, working

11.  Improve Tommy’s conversation with Drake, about Bai – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Good flow, pacing, continuation of story - thanks

2.      Eliminate frequent use of “blanched” – agree, working