BLOG POST 227

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 227

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 98 pages reviewed.

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BAM 12 June 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Good addition – thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree

3.      Took a long time to tell us the FBI weren’t taking the case – agree, want to create uncertainty

4.      Reduce duplicate mentions of status, facts – working, there were two separate meetings

5.      Identify credit card as Visa, AMEX – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Liked that flow slowed – to cover uncertainty

2.      He saw Adnan, Hamid and Dammit as clearly being Jihadis – I’m trying to create uncertainty

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree

4.      Make the FBI agents meatier, more detail – working, but not priority

BAM member –

1.      Glad to see Mick and Mo running into obstacles for FBI investigation – agree, working

2.      Clarify whether Adnan et Hamid had jobs - agree

3.      Explain how drinking beer was normal – agree, working

4.      Asked why Agent De La Luz wasn’t assigned a first name – forced formality

5.      Numerous editorial suggestions – agree

6.      Nicely done - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Good continuation – thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestion – agree

Consensus of critics – Have FBI agents argue, among selves, as to whether some bit of Intel was enough to commit resources – agree, working. Added that Adnan’s credit statement showed rental of pickup truck, storage locker.