BLOG POST 221

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 221

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 78 pages reviewed.

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BAM 24 April 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Overall liked this continuation – thanks

2.      Confused by reference to Vietnamese joke about long noses – an Asian (or at least VN) put down about western noses

3.      Many editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Questioned meaning of B&E – commonly recognized, breaking and entering

5.      Dialogue of George talking with O’Tooles too convoluted – working

6.      Sentence at top of page 5 confusing – agree, working

7.      Questioned “that kind of guy don’t” remark by Maria – slang, use of vernacular

BAM member –

1.      Good addition - thanks

2.      Many editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Sentence at top of page 5 confusing – agree, working

4.      This concentrates too much on introducing parents, but no effect on story – created tension between George and Bai

BAM member –

1.      Brought parents in, but didn’t elaborate – they’re throw away characters to tie this sequel to the Trilogy

2.      Why was Bai surprised about undefined “other things” having to do with the vandals who flattened Bai’s tire – because George had explained what the other things are yet

BAM member –

1.      Questioned whether O’Toole was a Vietnamese name – no, O’Toole is husband’s Irish surname (Padrick Marcus Michael O’Toole)

2.      Liked tension at end – thanks

3.      Lots of dialogue, but needs action - working

BAM member –

1.      Really good continuation - thanks

2.      Sentence at top of page 5 confusing – agree, working

3.      Last page, on tablet, needs discovery – working

4.      Some dialogue dragged - working

BLOG POST 220

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 220

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 74 pages reviewed.

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BAM 17 April 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Suggested cutting whole section of Bai at class and on campus – disagree, necessary build up for later action

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Felt continuing discussion about George’s intelligence was overdone - working

4.      Felt referring to Saudi – “he’ll be a jerk” might be stereotyping – disagree, Bai was there (as was I) and stereotypes fit

5.      Suggested cutting paragraph of Bai sharing George’s humor – agree; working

BAM member –

1.      Correct POV errors – agree, working

2.      Confusion existed because I used italics to highlight foreign words, which this reader took as inner thoughts

3.      No tension, conflict between Bai and Maria – agree, coming soon

4.      Correct “tweets” to “texts” – agree

5.      Hoped tablet is important – agree; it is

BAM member –

1.      Good details and description of a character – thanks

2.      Good use of gender humor – thanks

3.      Good ending which made me want more – thanks

4.      The dialogue worked – thanks

5.      Need to see more about the tablet – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Agreed with others comments about need to expand on tablet use - working

2.      Good flow – thanks

3.      Last page, on tablet, needs discovery - working

BAM member –

1.      No verbal or written comments

BLOG POST 219

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 219

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 73 pages reviewed.

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BAM 03 April 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Pretty good addition, well done - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Correct wandering POV shifts – agree, working

4.      Wouldn’t say/use “We’re Arabic”or “I speak Arabic” – agree, working

5.      Remove dialogue tags – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Correct POV errors – agree, working

2.      Wanted to be let in on Mo’s plan – disagree, it will come up soon, building tension, suspense

3.      How could Bai know what he was pointing to if it was out of sight – agree, working

4.      Questioned identity of “They” in second scene – agree, working

5.      Wants to be more into Mo’s POV and his tensions – agree, working

6.      Need to describe more of the sign in garage – agree, working

7.      These seem “dumb terrorists” to have a sign in the garage – unseen from street, and we’ll soon discover the neighbors of these two men

BAM member –

1.      Unclear what words in italics meant – emphasis, as I tried to show in reading

2.      Good use of gender humor – thanks

3.      Good ending which made me want more – thanks

4.      The dialogue worked - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Addition was good – thanks

2.      Liked use of broken Spanish - thanks

3.      Good dialogue, flowed well – thanks

4.      Liked story, was still in it - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Agreed with others comments

2.      Good addition – thanks

3.      Wanted more about Mick and Mo, felt lost that they’d disappeared from story - working

4.      No written comments –

BAM member –

1.      Pretty good addition – thanks

2.      Unsure about being able to hack gun registration database - possible

3.      No written comments