BLOG POST 218

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 218

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com 

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 70 pages reviewed.

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BAM 27 March 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Unsure about San Andreas Fault – big part of novel

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      George’s knowledge of earthquakes conflicts with Bai’s ignorance – agree, working

4.      Suggested rewriting Bai’s classroom experience to her being in class, rather than relating it afterwards – will consider

5.      Watch for POV shifts – working

6.      Why did Range Master say something about not needing to cover use of deadly force, yet say shoot to kill  – dramatic part of novel about to unfold

7.      Add dramatic content about Bai at pistol range – agree, working

8.      Reduce description of effects of earthquake – working

BAM member –

1.      Remove duplication of character tags and then restatement – agree, working

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Shorten Bai’s description about earthquakes – agree, working

4.      Minimize use of exclamation marks – agree

5.      Needs careful rewrite to eliminate excessive words - agree

BAM member –

1.      Lots on info on San Andreas Fault – OK if needed, otherwise remove – big part of novel

2.      Add more reaction by Bai as George re-enters bedroom – working

3.      Bai was speaking in writer/narrative POV – working

4.      Questioned necessity of detail on pistol range – sets tension for future use of deadly force

5.      Incorporate the noise of the pistol firing – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Good addition -

2.      Questioned so much mention of San Andreas Fault – big part of novel

3.      Questioned use of incomplete sentence – disagree, sentence had subject, verb and object

BAM member –

1.      No comments, no written comments 

BLOG POST 217

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 217

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The Process – Participated in monthly Riverside Writers Group (RWG) meeting. I read two humorous short sections during the Open Mike part of the meeting. Eventually I intend to group these together into a short humorous work with a working title of – Tales from a former Mother-in-Law.

I was somewhat shocked by a discussion which ensured after the meeting. The exchange centered around fears of impending war for America, and even worse fears for the breakdown of American institutions and values. I urge all readers to stay aware of what is happening at our nations’ capital to, by, or for the American people.

As part of RWG’s Anthology publication I entered a poem which centers on the writing process. The inspiration came in the middle of the night in the last week, and was a departure from prose. It came out as a fairly well developed piece. I read it at our Monday evening critique and it was well received.

As part of my Monday night critiques I now ensure I have a spare pen to loan, permanently, to another member.

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 66 pages reviewed.

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BAM 20 March 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Pretty good writing - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      George’s issues with awkwardness too stiff – agree, working

4.      Expand Bai’s reaction when she wakes, seems rushed - agree, working

5.      Have Bai express relief when George re-enters bedroom – working

6.      Reduce number of sentences beginning with “and” – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Wanted to read more about George before the proposal – working

2.      Suggested adding him buying the “rock” – working

3.      Add more reaction by Bai as George re-enters bedroom - working

BAM member –

1.      Good addition – thanks

2.      Things going too well for this couple, insert more tension – working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Make proposal more of a shock – working

BAM member –

1.      Arrived late, no comments 

BLOG POST 216

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 216

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The Process – Have been reading Great short works by Mark Twain. The piece I found most enlightening was his, Fennimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses. Twain, Samuel Clements being his real name, excoriated Cooper’s style, use of words, the accuracy of physical descriptions in his Deerslayer. If one reads it, one comes away convinced that if Clements had critiqued Fennimore Coopers’ draft, Cooper would have walked away in tears, and given up writing forever. Thankfully neither of those parts occurred and we can relish Deerslayer and Coopers’ other classics.

This has relevance because some comments at critiques I participate in tend towards directing me to a different style and narrative than I feel comfortable with. As I review and evaluate the value of each comment, I dismiss some because I feel the suggestions are more directive than suggestive. 

Completed a re-read of Tom Clancy’s The Bear and the Dragon, a thriller about a war between Russia and China. Terrific!

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 63 pages reviewed.

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BAM 06 March 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Pretty good writing, kept with single POV - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Describe how and when George identified Bai’s stalkers – agree, working

4.      Tighten up narrative, dialogue – working

5.      Reduce repetition use of “range” – agree, working

6.      Good addition, liked it – thanks

7.      Move on from their amorous scenes – working, but essential to romance

BAM member –

1.      Needs more tension to keep reader interest – agree, working

2.      Reduce banter – disagree, my style, but will rework a bit

3.      Suggested earlier explanation of George’s identification of Bai’s stalkers – disagree, doesn’t fit story

4.      One interchange between George and Bai too mechanical – disagree, that’s Georges character

5.      Banter doesn’t directly lead to action – sorry, my plot and pace

6.      Increase sense of peril – working

BAM member –

1.      Didn’t understand why “Monterey blew my (Bai’s) paper – George and Bai made love, raising questions of objectivity

2.      Confused by Bai’s remark about humor of martial arts statement –she used sushi as a defense technique

3.      Liked how clinically George described love making - thanks

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Explain why George would be hard to find – he was reclusive; the social media posts ‘outed’ him from obscurity

6.      Improve George’s remarks about firing weapons on range – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Given my experience w your military writing, this is welcome change – thanks

2.      Good dialogue – thanks

3.      Good movement - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Really good – thanks

2.      Things going too well for this couple – working

3.      Suggested a character description change – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Good dialogue, maybe a bit too much – working

2.      Include more about danger for George and Bai – working

3.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      No written comments

2.      Getting to know characters

3.      Not sure where relationship going

4.      Cover more of impending danger - working