BLOG POST 181

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 181

Process – Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 216; total word count down to 100 K, and percent went up to 75.0 percent.

BAM 08 February 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Need to describe a missile impact (or multiple) – agree, coming soon

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree

3.      Suggesting changes to part of specialist’s description of magnitude of missile launches – agree, working

4.      Suggested adding name of attack operation (Hatkafa) to TV broadcast – disagree; it would be Classified

5.      Suggesting moving paragraph about DM’s resignation – agree, working

6.      Questioned inclusion and meaning of “taking every precaution” – was new DM’s way of asserting his control, but will rework wording

7.      Questioned how they knew results of missile attack on Hatzerim Air Base – earlier paragraph stated base Deputy Commander called on cell phone

8.      Covered a lot of ground, but too much detail; flowed well

9.      Liked targeting of air bases as an interesting twist - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Questioned how they knew results of missile attack on Hatzerim Air Base – earlier paragraph stated base Deputy Commander called on cell phone

2.      Good simile about having a death wish – thanks

3.      This segment skips between too many scenes, was confusing – disagree; story requires multiple sets of characters and their interactions

4.      Several places where the writing was good – thanks

5.      Liked sarcasm of PM saying nice things about outgoing DM – thanks

6.      Liked simile of tension shown by biting down to ignore pain elsewhere in body – thanks

7.      Questioned why DM Kibbutzim wouldn’t know targets of missile attacks – disagree; new DM was trying to assert control right away; working to reword

8.      Liked ending about threat of nuclear alert - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Suggested soft pedal the mention of replacing DM – disagree; part of showing tension within Israeli Cabinet

3.      Suggested showing time lapse between missile launches and impact – disagree; previous segment stated missiles planned to impact at same time, with 55 minute flights

4.      Use Cabinet members’ names, not acronyms (PM, DM) for positions – agree

5.      Suggested adding a sentence like – “At this rate in 24 hours we will have no Air Force to protect our cities.” – agree, working

6.      This segment one of better ones - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Incredible detail – thanks

2.      Change 01:00 to read 0100 - agree

3.      Minor editorial changes – agree

4.      Good tension and threat of nuclear attack – thanks

5.      Questioned how they knew results of missile attack on Hatzerim Air Base – earlier paragraph stated base Deputy Commander called on cell phone

BAM member –

1.      Away for two weeks, lost and could not find way into story – sorry, fast moving plot

2.      Very interesting dialogue  – agree

3.      Liked paragraph on citizens reaction to planes leaving, but not returning - thanks

4.      Minor editorial changes – agree

5.      Questioned where PM and his aide came from – my imagination and unfolding story

6.      Questioned what Hatkafa was – Classified operation to take out Saudi AWACS; identified in previous weeks

7.      Questioned PM, DM – Prime Minister and Defense Minister - identified in previous weeks

8.      Liked description of actions to protect air bases and major headquarters – thanks

9.      Reduce overuse of “aircraft” – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Loved last line about nuclear alert – thanks

2.      First section, on dialogue between NORAD and NMCC was best

3.      No written comments