Blog Post 125

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 125

 Another segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed/critiqued at a Monday Books-A-million meeting.

Reviewer comments:

BAM members provided written critiques of the segment as follows:

BAM member

1.       Better than last week’s reading - agree

2. Minor editorial changes – agree
3. Questioned whether both characters were American, or one Vietnamese  – disagree
4. Disliked use of “I’d have to bury you in desert as clichéd – disagree

5.       Liked use of Baskins-Robbins  – agree

6. Liked use of facial expressions – agree
7. Reword “displaying his lack …” – agree
8. Liked bit about Blarney Stone – agree
9. Change “And I don’t have …” breaks mood – agree
10. Liked waiting for pie and ice cream – agree
11. Good back and forth - agree

BAM member

1.       No written input - agree

2.       Good dialogue, natural - agree

BAM member

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Questioned relationship of “Why did you come here” to response – will consider

3.       Identify speakers as male, female or by name – disagree, prior text shows

4.       Questioned why she thinks his job is dangerous - disagree, prior text shows (got shot)

5.       Suggested differing paragraphs – will consider

6.       Questioned humorous reference to James Bond  – disagree

7.       Liked playfulness and story - agree

BAM member

1.       Lots of personality - agree

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3. Reword “displaying his lack …” – agree
4. Would delete “She saw it.” – disagree
5. Would delete “or lose her lunch” – agree
6. Considers “No. that was …” an odd response – disagree
7. Consider turning “And I don’t have ..” into humor – will try
8. Good, interplay and dialogue

BAM member

       1.  Fast moving, playful exchanges - agree

       2.  No written comments

BAM member

1.       Very interesting and playful exchange  – agree

2.       Easy reading, fast moving action – agree

3.       Liked use of Baskins-Robbins  – agree

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Said “She is the ONE!” – agree

6.       Good couple, evenly matched with wit – agree

7.       Liked reference to Clancy book and martial art gesture - agree

BAM member

       1.  Change “in a foreign land” – awkward - agree

       2.  Simplify “a job offer with great pay” – will consider

       3.  Loved the characters, very good – agree

       4.  Clarify “He’s my friend …” – will consider

       5.  Liked story of parking tickets for camels – agree

       6.  Reword “returning the talk to the Camel Race” – agree

       7.  Minor editorial changes – agree

       8.  Add accent mark to rose wine – agree

       9.  Identify Amir’s tribe – agree

     10.  Change forty four to read 44 – disagree

     11.  Liked use of Baskins-Robbins  – agree

     12.  Liked international flavor – agree

     13.  Bedu cushions set you in place - agree