BLOG POST 259

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 259

BAM 06 August 2018 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Not enough passion, emotional connection to maintain interest - will rework

2.       No emotional aspects are apparent – working

3.       Show, explain why will, HT, LC are passionate about their lives – agree, working

4.       Abbreviations for names is grating – deal with it

5.       Explain how Gephardt got down the well – agree, working

6.       Said it a shame the sisters never get a dime – story not over yet

7.       Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Advances the story – thanks

2.       Show how Rem is seeing in well – agree, working (light bar)

3.       Explain how Gephardt was able to go down the well – tackle found in shed

4.       Explain how three detectives communicate when one is down the well – agree, working

5.       Make dialog more linear, rather than hopping around – agree, working

6.       Very little known about M – agree, that was the plan

7.       Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Correct punctuation – agree

2.       Too much grinning and shaking of heads – agree, working

3.       Story is moving along – thanks

4.       Only M is evident as the killer – agree, that was the plan

5.       Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Getting there, progressing – thanks

2.       Ensure sentences depict what’s in your head – agree, working

3.       Simplify or shorten sentences – agree, working

4.       Improve awkward sentences – agree, working

5.       Moving towards story resolution - thanks

6.       Numerous minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

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Thus far my draft has reached 50.3K words and a draft page count of 179, of which 69 have been reviewed.

BLOG POST 258

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 258

BAM 30 July 2018 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Not enough to maintain reader interest -disagree, but will rework

2.       Rewrite sentence to improve action wording – agree, will rework

3.       Clarify why LC would ask HT about her father (awkward) – agree. Part of LC’s awkward behavior is, as noted earlier, due to effects of PTSD.

4.       Clarify why HT would tell LC of the abuse – agree, will rework

5.       Make her experience of abuse more dramatic – agree, will rework

6.       Concerned at brevity of sticky notes on Murder Board – will improve

7.       Requires a transition between office and Gephardt’s house – agree, working

8.       Concerned at apparent detective concern for inert gold in well – A bit of a red herring, but I gave it away with multiple clues about grit, mortar in well (wall)

9.       Felt reader needed more apparent personal stake in case – we have a murder, abuse, PTSD, golden treasure - and so much more to come. Detective work is procedural, orderly.

10.   Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Pretty good continuation – thanks

2.       Confused by purchase (410K) and sale ($30K) price of coin – it’s a business

3.       Felt suggestion to HT to write a book a bit much (better to just write down memories) - agree, working

4.       Suggested detective call Dispatcher, vice deal 911 – agree

5.       Clarify why detectives want a block and tackle – to retrieve heavy objects from down in well

6.       Overall pretty good – thanks

7.       Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Getting there, see clues and red herrings – thanks

2.       Confused by who was whom – sporadic review sessions does that, as narrative not presented all at once

3.       Suggested LC sweat when he uses Old Bay on fries - working

4.       Liked remark about burgers being so good you could hug cook – thanks

5.       Felt developing relationship between LC and HT might be inappropriate – disagree

6.       Felt section about sticky notes on Murder Board was confusing – will improve

7.       Requires a transition between office and Gephardt’s house – agree, working

8.       Uncertain a detective would dial 911 – agree, will rework

9.       Numerous minor editorial suggestions – working

NOTE - I made an enormous mistake by including sections out of chronological order. Will correct.

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I’ve been spending a lot of time on Twitter of late, trying to add caustic, humorous, or background to the continuing drama in Washington, DC. Interest surged my follower level to fifty-one, so I guess I’m achieving some notoriety. HUZZAH!

Thus far my draft has reached 45K words and a draft page count of 148, of which 64 pages have gone through the BAM/peer review process.

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I’ve been distracted of late by small creatures near our porch. Two, possibly three humming birds come to a feeder and daily drink their meals. Occasionally two compete, with one fluttering while the other sits and dips his beak into the feeder holes. It is refreshing to see them. They resemble in my mind energetic lovable puppies you can’t touch. Therapy really.