1.
Show how
Mrs. Weatherly was warned – agree, working
2.
Questioned
how Weatherly could be aware of newspaper article – she reads
3.
Felt dialog about talking with HS principal was
weird – working
4.
Show
Weatherly’s reaction to the statement about deaths at meth lab – agree, working
5.
Clarify
why Collins said the address of PR head – to show she’d researched the woman,
to intimidate her
6.
Questioned
whether reporter would “illegally” enter school or blackmail the PR head –
fiction
7.
Did not
believe newspaper has tens of thousands of readers –
8.
Reduce
duplicate mention of voice level changes – agree
9.
Questioned
why Mrs. Weatherly rose – to make a point physically
10.
Questioned
veins in hand pulsing – agree, working
11.
Felt
Collins’ leverage was weak, and thought Weatherly tell her to f765 off
BAM member –
1.
Not sure this scene would work. PR head would
call FLS editor and ask reporter be fired – had edited out a paragraph with
editor shown as solidly behind story
2. Felt
if reporter personality was this strong, determined she might not even approach
school officials and just go undercover with a disguise – agree, may change
back to that approach
3. Change
name of sub-division and school – agree
4. Confused
by reporter mention of male and female source – reporter trying to be evasive,
protect source
BAM member –
1. Was
uncomfortable with use of actual county, sub-division and school names – agree,
will change sub-division and school names
2. Felt
county should give permission for use of its name – disagree
3. Dialog
a lot better – thanks
4. Improve
introduction scene – agree, working
5. Felt
it not credible that a reporter could sneak into school – disagree
6. Felt
reporter or writer might get sued if permission not given – moot question
beyond scope of fiction novel
7. Felt
PR would be livid that a reporter would be this threatening –
8. Suggested
mention of hall passes – disagree,
enough procedural restraints identified
9. Questioned
why reporter mentioned where PR head lived – to show she did her homework
BAM member –
1.
Name the
reporter – Already identified in first sentence
2.
Reduce
use of adverbs – agree, working
4.
Wanted
use of insure, vice ensure – disagree
5.
Why was
it important for reporter to say all stories would cite anonymous sources – to
show that reporters protect sources
6.
Numerous minor editorial suggestions – agree, working
*************************************
Thus far my draft has reached 53.1K words and a draft page count of 179, of which 82 have been reviewed.
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