BLOG POST 258

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 258

BAM 30 July 2018 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Not enough to maintain reader interest -disagree, but will rework

2.       Rewrite sentence to improve action wording – agree, will rework

3.       Clarify why LC would ask HT about her father (awkward) – agree. Part of LC’s awkward behavior is, as noted earlier, due to effects of PTSD.

4.       Clarify why HT would tell LC of the abuse – agree, will rework

5.       Make her experience of abuse more dramatic – agree, will rework

6.       Concerned at brevity of sticky notes on Murder Board – will improve

7.       Requires a transition between office and Gephardt’s house – agree, working

8.       Concerned at apparent detective concern for inert gold in well – A bit of a red herring, but I gave it away with multiple clues about grit, mortar in well (wall)

9.       Felt reader needed more apparent personal stake in case – we have a murder, abuse, PTSD, golden treasure - and so much more to come. Detective work is procedural, orderly.

10.   Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Pretty good continuation – thanks

2.       Confused by purchase (410K) and sale ($30K) price of coin – it’s a business

3.       Felt suggestion to HT to write a book a bit much (better to just write down memories) - agree, working

4.       Suggested detective call Dispatcher, vice deal 911 – agree

5.       Clarify why detectives want a block and tackle – to retrieve heavy objects from down in well

6.       Overall pretty good – thanks

7.       Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Getting there, see clues and red herrings – thanks

2.       Confused by who was whom – sporadic review sessions does that, as narrative not presented all at once

3.       Suggested LC sweat when he uses Old Bay on fries - working

4.       Liked remark about burgers being so good you could hug cook – thanks

5.       Felt developing relationship between LC and HT might be inappropriate – disagree

6.       Felt section about sticky notes on Murder Board was confusing – will improve

7.       Requires a transition between office and Gephardt’s house – agree, working

8.       Uncertain a detective would dial 911 – agree, will rework

9.       Numerous minor editorial suggestions – working

NOTE - I made an enormous mistake by including sections out of chronological order. Will correct.

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I’ve been spending a lot of time on Twitter of late, trying to add caustic, humorous, or background to the continuing drama in Washington, DC. Interest surged my follower level to fifty-one, so I guess I’m achieving some notoriety. HUZZAH!

Thus far my draft has reached 45K words and a draft page count of 148, of which 64 pages have gone through the BAM/peer review process.

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I’ve been distracted of late by small creatures near our porch. Two, possibly three humming birds come to a feeder and daily drink their meals. Occasionally two compete, with one fluttering while the other sits and dips his beak into the feeder holes. It is refreshing to see them. They resemble in my mind energetic lovable puppies you can’t touch. Therapy really.

BLOG POST 257

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 257

BAM 09 July 2018 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Clarify how LC almost instantly goes to fireplace (What was the hunch?) – agree, will rework

2.       Provided a plausible scenario for detectives finding cookie tin – thanks, but overnight I came up with another scenario

3.       Explain how detectives came to conclusion coins were from Union payroll – a number of clues presented, via other detective’s efforts, results of meeting Germanna Foundation receptionist/historian, and location of civil war burial plots on deceased’s land

4.       Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Pretty good addition – thanks

2.       Why did LC go directly to fireplace, explain – agree, working

3.       Why would LC push in the damper – he’s curious, mechanically inclined

4.       How did Gephardt keep his home warm – agree, working on a cast iron, ceiling vented heater fed with corn pellets

5.       Specify dates of several coins – Disagree, too much detail and all “from before the war”

6.       Shield Arsenault from their discussion of Blatt – agree, working

7.       Show how obvious impression of Arsenault was dispelled – agree, working

8.       Numerous minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Have Wills say something about the “pedal to the metal” - agree, working

2.       As no one is living in Gephardt’s home, correct fireplace use – agree, working

3.       Minimize repetition of process remarks, actions – agree, working

4.       Good edition, like how the story is proceeding - thanks

5.       Clarify when Wills and LC order their food (and he plays with his fries) – agree, working

6.       Minor editorial suggestion – agree

BAM member –

1.       Good dialogue - thanks

2.       Logical progression in detective story - thanks

3.       Detectives should wear gloves to touch evidence – agree, working

4.       Explain voice analysis – agree, working

5.       Minor editorial suggestion – agree

6.       Explain mention of “Germans” – The victim and his family are German descendants. There was previous mention of clues from Germanna Foundation, and of deceased’s family welcoming a WWII U-boat officer after the war

7.       Minimize use of exclamation marks - agree

BAM member –

1.       Good addition – thanks

2.       Explain about location theory as to third coin from list – agree, working

3.       Improve comment about “sleuthing among haunts” – agree, working

4.       Elaborate on condition of the two evidence coins shown to Arsenault – agree, working

5.       Clarify how/why Forensics documenting coins found previous day – putting into evidence chain, will improve

6.       Explain how coins and forensics connect – the techs identify, tag and photograph evidence

7.       Explain why rare coins are rare – agree, working

8.       Felt the task of checking all surfaces at Gephardt’s farm was formidable – Disagree; relatively easy to re-check surfaces for modifications (except for well, not yet checked)

9.       Why the emphasis on Germanic order - The victim and his family are German descendants. There was previous mention of clues from Germanna Foundation, and of deceased’s family welcoming a WWII U-boat officer after the war

10.   Why make a point about deceased’s worn fingers connected to mortar – it’s a big clue

11.   Numerous editorial suggestion – agree

BAM member –

1.       Upset by detectives not preserving evidence chain – agree, will specify use of gloves, evidence bags

2.       Minimize use of exclamation marks – agree

3.       Action good - thanks

4.       Explain how it was obvious one coin was sold – agree, will show as possibility

5.       Detectives should wear gloves to touch evidence – agree, working

6.       Minimize use of assess, assessment – agree, working

7.       Clarify when Wills and LC order their food – agree, working

8.       Correct use of “baby boomers” and “greatest generation” – agree, done

9.       Numerous minor editorial suggestions – working

Thus far my draft has reached 41K words and a working page count of 135.

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I’ve been spending a lot of time on Twitter of late, trying to add caustic, humorous, or background to the continuing drama in Washington, DC. I wrote a parody of The Element Song based on the drama of The Donald and posted it. Little reaction. All this extra activity increased my follower level briefly to forty-four, so I guess I’m achieving some notoriety. HUZZAH!

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I’ve spent some time recently trapping and releasing squirrels who seem intent on destroying our flower beds and planting unwanted acorns in the lawn. I term it recycling, as they are transported a distance away and released.