BLOG POST 173

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 173

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 201; total word count down to 90.8 K, and percent went up to 70.2 percent as additional subject matter was added in drafts. A word or two of explanation - the variation of percentage complete is due to rewrites of the segments after incorporating suggestions, editorial changes due to critique inputs. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum. 

Just started re-reading excerpts of Clancy’s The Bear and the Dragon.

Personal insight – Some reviewers carefully select the words in their poems, but when they critique others, often unfiltered, spiteful words emerge. One individual previously said of a segment I read for review, “almost makes me want to gag.” At the last review session he said, “I don’t see why I should be interested (in story).”

While this particular reviewer makes an effort to portray himself as a liberal Christian, and tolerant of all sorts of genres and works, he often says things which disprove those portrayals.  His offerings for a personal memoir, to be truthful, have on occasion been droll, inane collections of impersonal lists of organizations, a bleak recitation of the heads of various physics departments at laboratories. At other times he has offered adult offerings which one could see upset his spouse. It may be that I need to remind him that sugar works better than vinegar, that some off his off the wall comments are personal, but not professional.  Finally reviewers should provide written comments, rather than mere caustic jabs.

BAM 23 November 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       No emotion, was looking for Anh to be brought in - working

2.       Got lost at mention of STU – Secure Telephone Units were mentioned earlier

3.       Suggested a change to phrasing about aromas from spices – disagree; correct as written. Change would leave source of the aroma uncertain.

4.       Pointed out repetitive use of “the system” – agree, working

5.       Pointed out repetitive use of “gut” – agree, working

6.       Pointed out repetitive use of “DCI Trujillo” – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes - working

2.       Story moving forward, but too slowly – agree, working

3.       Story too factual, cold – agree; working

4.       Suggested mention of MODA and military situation was said before – yes, but story being retold to different listener, with differences in context, content

5.       Pointed out erroneous POV in successive paragraphs – will fix

6.       Pointed out confusing juxtaposition of verbal and written report – will fix

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Slow paced, was able to follow – thanks

3.       Confused by references to movie A few good men – working

4.       Increase the tension, personal level of threats to characters – agree, working

5.       Put Tooley into danger – disagree; not in plan, but should increase prospects of war

6.       Suggested moving second sentence in a paragraph to first - agree

BAM member  –

1.       The story drifts; tighten up action – working

2.       Too many suppositions, estimates, utterances – disagree; several views are assessing chances for a war. Such things are rarely absolute.

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Change sensors to read censors - agree

BAM member  –

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Moves slowly; tighten up story – agree, working

7.       Liked description of tent and softening effects of breeze – thanks

8.       Confused about mention of AWACS seeing into Israel, since satellites can – disagree, Israeli OFFEQ satellite is not geo-synchronous, so loses the ‘picture’ 

BAM member  –

1.       Thought this segment more human than recent, better paced – thanks

2.       Parts should be scrapped or combined – will consider

3.       Shift to action – disagree, story can’t only be action; a war is coming

BAM member  –

1.       Enjoyed mention of CNN reporter; he seemed like a kid - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Lots of research evident – thanks

BAM member  –

1.       No written comments

2.       Little human interaction, too mechanical – working

3.       Said, “I don’t see why I should be interested (in story)” – HMM!

BLOG POST 172

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 172

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went to 204; total word count up to 91.4 K, and percent went down to  56.4 percent  as additional subject matter was added in drafts. A word or two of explanation - the variation of percentage complete is due to rewrites of the segments after incorporating suggestions, editorial changes due to critique inputs. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.  Will miss the RWG meeting, as we plan to visit an elderly friend of Nancy.

The King and Maxwell series by David Baldacci illustrates numerous aspects of detective work, which may become part of my work in my Money and Mayhem series. Much earlier, months ago, I interviewed a Deputy Sherriff in my county for ideas. Additionally I downloaded copies of court transcripts from the killing of an unarmed black man, Darren Brown, by Police Officer Darren Wilson. I also queried the Spotsylvania Sheriff Department about its Cadet/Ride Along program, but never got an answer. Just completed reading Baldacci’s Hour Game.

I recently separated all the written critique comments on Sooley Base and Kashan Kashmeeri into folders in an organized, recycled file cabinet. These hold the written comments, which duplicate the electronic WORD documents and Blog entries.

Personal insight – Only one set of distantly located grandparents. This experience might account for my remoteness as a grandparent. I never got to sit in his/her lap, just chat. It may be part of why I am aloof and distant from my grand children. My parents were not openly affectionate or huggy people. Splains a lot of how I respond.

BAM 09 November 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes - working

2.       Too technical at start – agree, working

3.       Add tension between Stefano and Saudi news minders – agree; working

4.       On the Latin prayer, clarify if Stefano is saying prayer, or thinking it – agree

5.       Nice to see mention of Anh again - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Reporter interview too lengthy – working

3.       Felt that Saudi would have restricted what was said – agree, working

4.       Still unclear what intent of coalition is – thanks; am trying to be evasive

5.       What have the Israelis been doing – previously they expressed concern over AWACS, requested Patriot missile battery

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.       On fence about this reading; too much technical data – working

3.       Scale back technology and accentuate the characters – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – working

2.       Very complex story, a slow read – working

3.       Audience is too focused – agree; my choice

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

2.       For first time (in several readings) was able to follow – thanks

3.       Lessen rambling by Stefano of news – working

4.       Very descriptive – thanks

5.       Scale back interview – disagree; used to set wider setting of gathering forces

BAM member  –

1.       Liked car setting and demon drivers – thanks

2.       Too much technical description on page one – working

3.       Lessen description and accentuate characters – agree, working

4.       Wanted to know who bad guys, good guys are – disagree; need to keep it in suspense