Blog Post 156

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 156

Process – Finished re-read of Clancy’s The Bear and the Dragon. It was a formidable thousand plus pages, but fascinating to a military vet.  The ending was exactly the same as the last time I read it.

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total pages 170; total word count 92K, and percent is 43 percent. I continue to  work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

BAM 27 July 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Good dialogue – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Who is Ubaidi? – LG Amir Ubaidi; identified earlier

4.       Suggested spell out HM (His Majesty) – agree

5.       Lots of different scenes, slowed a bit – working

6.       Too much on helo event – disagree; different characters relating it

7.       Writing getting better – thanks

8.       Enjoying more and more - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Good flow, getting better  – thanks

2.       Dialogue is good, but tends to be circular about helos – working; different characters involved

3.       Minor editorial changes  – agree, working

4.       Add context of different settings – agree, working

5.       Nice addition to story - thanks

BAM member -

1.       “Rotor head” and “wing walker” obscure references – agree, working

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Spell out the “elephant in the room” earlier – disagree; only applies to Amir and Tooley

4.       Shorten or eliminate multiple discussions of helo event – disagree; different characters and viewpoints involved

BAM member –

1.       Good interaction between characters – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Good dialogue - thanks

4.       Reads very well – thanks

5.       Suggested spell out HM (His Majesty) – agree

6.       Correct two-way to read one-way window – agree

7.       Correct awkward phrasing “thought” – agree; working

BAM member –

1.       Intriguing, really good, reads well  - thanks

2.       Suggested not repeating helo incident – disagree, different characters discussing it

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Great hook at end - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Very interesting - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Kept reader involved, understandable  – thanks

4.       Questioned who was speaking in paragraph – disagree; it said “Ubaidi stated …

5.       Good ending, leaving reader wanting more – thanks

6.       Correct awkward phrasing “thought” – agree; working

7.       Good hook at end - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Nice opening - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Who is Ubaidi? – LG Amir Ubaidi; identified earlier

4.       Nice imagery at meeting of Amir and O’Toole – thanks

5.       Dialogue is too stiff – agree, working to add details

6.       Characters don’t seem to be in a normal setting – they aren’t. Agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial change – agree

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial change – agree

2.       Questioned “emerged quietly without an ego” – agree, working

3.       Liked reactions of characters, and implications of the reactions - thanks

BAM member –

1.       No written comments

2.       Able to follow – thanks

3.       Sometimes not sure of speakers’ identity - working

Blog Post 155

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 155

BAM 20 July 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.        Good flow – thanks

3.       Suggested change of dialogue to inner dialogue – disagree

4.       Questioned meaning of A roll video – TV journalist/photographer term

5.       Clarify “Iranian front” – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Good dialogue – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested identifying speakers in dialogue – agree, working

BAM member  -

1.       Narrative is too lengthy, shorten - working

2.       Questioned whether a boy would ask this – my character does

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Questioned meaning of A roll video – TV journalist/photographer term

BAM member  –

1.       Liked dialogue between Tooley and son – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested delete second “din” of “din din” – disagree

4.       Thought final portion – phone conversation from Iran on war preps was about air combat - no

BAM member  –

1.       Dialogue between Tooley and son was great - thanks

2.       Suggested add body gestures and expressions to dialogue – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Last portion too technical, suggested deletion – disagree, style and genre, background

5.       Questioned meaning of A roll video – TV journalist/photographer term

BAM member  –

1.       Questioned where initial dialogue took place – same as previous, Arabia

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Each chapter a surprise, an interesting story – thanks

4.       Questioned meaning of A roll video – TV journalist/photographer term