Tessera Trilogy
Blog post 128
Am “Following” the
Fredericksburg Writers Group blog - http://fredericksburgwritersgroup.wordpress.com/ to keep abreast of local writers and ideas, and
became a member of the LinkedIn Book Marketing group… https://www.linkedin.com/nhome/?trk=hb_signin . It’s too soon to say if these will be of benefit.
Another segment of Kashan
Kashmeeri was reviewed at a Books-A-Million critique session.
BAM members
provided critiques of the segment as follows:
BAM member -
1. Lots of details on setting, few on characters – agree; working
2. Say more about the women – agree
3. Stress Anh being pregnant – agree
4. Have Munirah ask Anh how far along is she – agree
5. Correct POV shifts – agree
6. Have Anh and Munirah shared common interests, concerns – agree
7. Clarify the “not Mecca” – agree
8. Reduce use of narrative – agree
9. Several suggestions on sentences – agree; working
10. Reword “swept his hand horizontally” – agree; working
11.
Use
of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering
BAM member -
1. Unfamiliar with “revetment”
– disagree;
standard military terminology
2. Clarify mention of “Michael’s (rug)” – agree
3. Clarify Anh’s thinking on anxiety about being Asian – agree;
working
4. Reconsider use of “deep internal bluish brilliance (on diamond)
– agree
5. Good details of setting – agree
6. Questioned use of mention of men being from Mars – agree
7. Convert “Anh quickly
making a pact” to a sentence – agree
8. Minor punctuation suggestions – will consider
BAM member - no
written comments
1. Knows of woman who lived underground in KOSA, said most Saudis
do – untrue
2. Female characters were too cautious in talking – agree
BAM member –
1. Your female lead is
rough, strong sexual – not sure where leading – agree
2. Correct POV problem on page two – agree
3. Clarify why Tooley and Anh went to Ubaidi’s – agree; working
4. Explain the competitiveness of female characters – agree;
working
5. Liked description of underground home setting - agree
6. Numerous sentence suggestions – agree; working
7. Reword “swept his hand horizontally” – agree; working
8. Restructure several areas to be new paragraphs – agree
9. Have Munirah talk of “deep internal bluish brilliance (on
diamond) – agree
10. Questioned existence of Baskin-Robbins franchise in Arabia –
disagree; it was there
11. Liked use of comparing a Bentley to a camel – agree
12. Explain the meaning of incense smoke – agree; working
13. Explain “their” post graduate studies – disagree; included
elsewhere
14. Add graphic to show change of scene from meal – agree; working
15. Explain why Anh rose as Tooley rushed to her – agree; working
16. Clarify Fadia’s age – agree
17. Liked the exotic setting- agree
BAM member –
1. Spell coos-coos as cous-cous – agree
2. Stress how female characters are checking out initial meeting
and feelings of it – agree
3. Suggested rewording sentence about Amir’s net worth – will
consider
4. Minor sentence suggestions – agree; working
5. Use of Tooley’s full name
awkward – considering
BAM member –
1. Clarify mention of “Michael’s (rug)” – agree
2. Reference to Dorothy
Hamill hairstyle too obscure – agree; working
3. Use of Tooley’s full name
awkward – considering
4. Use of “tiny bursts of
light like creepy crawlies” awkward – agree; working
5. Unfamiliar with “revetment”
– disagree;
standard military terminology
6. Minor punctuation
suggestions – agree
7. Clarify POV shifts – agree
8. Questioned use of mention of men being from Mars – agree
9. Interesting description
of the Ubaidi home - agree
Several cultural insights into whether wives of
Saudi friends remained veiled or in separate rooms during dinner with friends,
and about alcohol use were shared.
The August
meeting of the Riverside Writers Group will feature an Open
Mike format. I anticipate reading (and
just observing an audience reaction to) several segments.
