BLOG POST 199

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 199

The Next One - the sequel to The Tessera Trilogy, has begun to take form. It has suffered through, and survived its second Books-A-Million critique session.

BAM 19 Sep 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Felt story delved deeply into Bai’s POV, felt she might be a psych student – agree, working

2.      Identified a point of view shift – agree, removing

3.      Questioned spelling of boogey – agree, corrected to boogie

4.      A good piece, but dialogue strained – agree, working

5.      George comes across as a rat in a cage being experimented on – thanks

6.      The main character is socially awkward; that works – thanks

7.      You paint a quirky piece, building interest in what he will say, do it works - thanks

8.      A number of minor editorial comments – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Questioned speed of apparent relationship - agree, working to revise yet leave the tension

2.      Some of the dialogue is forced – agree, working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Thought description of character in elevator was gold – thanks

5.      Lengthy paragraph on page four didn’t work – agree, working

6.      Thought saying the character fit in so many categories was gold – thanks

7.      Too soon to share some of these feelings, thoughts with a stranger – agree in part; working

BAM member –

1.      The jumping dialogue is disjointed, but matches George’s personality – thanks

2.      The interpersonal problems make it interesting – thanks

3.      The best you’ve brought – thanks

4.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Much better writing than earlier novels – thanks (I think)

2.      Liked the dialogue and character introspection – thanks

3.      The characters are very good – thanks

4.      There is a big professional jump between first and second paragraphs – working to improve

5.      Loved use of “life coach” – thanks

6.      Develops well, several smiley faces on paragraphs – thanks

7.      Mentioned a Vietnamese restaurant with similar atmosphere – thanks

8.      Cute ending - thanks

BAM member (independent member) –

1.      Make chapters more clearly in one characters’ POV – agree, working

2.      Numerous, massive editorial suggestions – agreed with most and incorporated

3.      Thought “Miss Not a Killer” was use of good flirting – thanks

4.      Improve dialogue to reflect more realism – agree, working

5.      Suggested changing “Racing” to “Revving” – disagree

6.      Remove identifying colors in the scene with “fallen Republic” – disagree

7.      Correct the implied meaning of descriptive phrase -“not the robot part” – agree

8.      Delete last paragraph of page 4 – agree, working to reword, place elsewhere

9.      Reword or delete awkward last sentence – disagree, fits character’s persona. Will rework.

BAM member –

1.       Rather endearing, liked it a lot  – thanks

2.       No written comments