BLOG POST 200

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 200

The Next One - the sequel to The Tessera Trilogy, has begun to take form. It has suffered through, and survived its third Books-A-Million critique session.

This is the 200^th blog posting, a milestone of sorts. Hooray for me.

BAM 26 Sep 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      An interesting piece – thanks

2.      Maria sounds like a mercenary – disagree, but working to clarify her character

3.      Correct point of view shifts – agree, removing or correcting

4.      Consider deleting or moving section on George at his home - disagree, working to  improve

5.      Dialogue good, lots of humor – thanks

6.      Good, interesting character study – thanks

7.      Liked analogy of mirror cracking – thanks

8.      Numerous editorial suggestions – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      One example of description in dialogue sounded like High school term - agree

2.      Need to increase imagery to portray the settings – agree, working

3.      Reads very well, dialogue good, but lengthy – thanks

4.      Marked several paragraphs with “funny” – thanks

5.      Good flow – thanks

6.      Marked paragraph – “So surreal women talk like this” – thanks

7.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

8.      Improve imagery to show how the women look – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Questioned location of dinner - agree, working to revise yet leave the tension

2.      Identify where and when agreement made about location of dinner – agree, working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Liked use of sarcasm in dialogue – thanks

5.      Questioned location of section on George at his home - working to  improve

6.      Clarify how Maria and Bai know of George’s home – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Lots of good dialogue – thanks

2.      Identify speakers – disagree, where you marked they were named

3.      Define “squzzed” and its meaning – agree, working

4.      Minimize the use of adverbs – agree, working

5.      Shorten, tighten up dialogue – working

6.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

7.      Identify to whom George was speaking – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Really liked, good writing – thanks

2.      Was unsure if Bai was an assassin - No

3.      Identify who Maria is – identified in prior segment

4.      No written comments

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Define “squzzed” and its meaning – agree, working

2.      Correct point of view shifts - agree, working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Identify setting of sections of dialogue – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Liked it, but confused with placement of paragraph on George – agree, working

2.       No written comments

BLOG POST 199

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 199

The Next One - the sequel to The Tessera Trilogy, has begun to take form. It has suffered through, and survived its second Books-A-Million critique session.

BAM 19 Sep 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Felt story delved deeply into Bai’s POV, felt she might be a psych student – agree, working

2.      Identified a point of view shift – agree, removing

3.      Questioned spelling of boogey – agree, corrected to boogie

4.      A good piece, but dialogue strained – agree, working

5.      George comes across as a rat in a cage being experimented on – thanks

6.      The main character is socially awkward; that works – thanks

7.      You paint a quirky piece, building interest in what he will say, do it works - thanks

8.      A number of minor editorial comments – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Questioned speed of apparent relationship - agree, working to revise yet leave the tension

2.      Some of the dialogue is forced – agree, working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Thought description of character in elevator was gold – thanks

5.      Lengthy paragraph on page four didn’t work – agree, working

6.      Thought saying the character fit in so many categories was gold – thanks

7.      Too soon to share some of these feelings, thoughts with a stranger – agree in part; working

BAM member –

1.      The jumping dialogue is disjointed, but matches George’s personality – thanks

2.      The interpersonal problems make it interesting – thanks

3.      The best you’ve brought – thanks

4.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Much better writing than earlier novels – thanks (I think)

2.      Liked the dialogue and character introspection – thanks

3.      The characters are very good – thanks

4.      There is a big professional jump between first and second paragraphs – working to improve

5.      Loved use of “life coach” – thanks

6.      Develops well, several smiley faces on paragraphs – thanks

7.      Mentioned a Vietnamese restaurant with similar atmosphere – thanks

8.      Cute ending - thanks

BAM member (independent member) –

1.      Make chapters more clearly in one characters’ POV – agree, working

2.      Numerous, massive editorial suggestions – agreed with most and incorporated

3.      Thought “Miss Not a Killer” was use of good flirting – thanks

4.      Improve dialogue to reflect more realism – agree, working

5.      Suggested changing “Racing” to “Revving” – disagree

6.      Remove identifying colors in the scene with “fallen Republic” – disagree

7.      Correct the implied meaning of descriptive phrase -“not the robot part” – agree

8.      Delete last paragraph of page 4 – agree, working to reword, place elsewhere

9.      Reword or delete awkward last sentence – disagree, fits character’s persona. Will rework.

BAM member –

1.       Rather endearing, liked it a lot  – thanks

2.       No written comments