BLOG POST 147

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 147

Authors – No new entries.

Local Authors – No new entries.

Process – Progress, in terms of critiqued segments, stands at 25 percent.  

Major effort underway to restructure the whole enchilada; reformat it to the chronology of revised novel timeline. Kashan Kashmeeri stands at 167 pages, with editing to do as I’ve reformatted Part 02 to sequence it according to the new Timeline. Part 01 (0f 02) equals 51 reviewed pages. Part 02 is currently at 116 pages, but I recognize I need to cut several segments dealing with armor (tank) engagements between the Royal Saudi Land Force, Royal Jordanian and Israeli armor units. Sounds exciting – it will be!!!

Attended the CRRL Focus Group meeting on its Strategic Plan to satisfy users ….. I was the SOLE attendee at the CRRL Headquarters branch meeting. The moderator noted that she had read all my previous inputs centering on support to Local Authors. I restated my research findings – that of the over 114,000 eBooks offered by the library only one was by a local author, and purchased over a dozen years earlier. I challenged the library by asking - When would it purchase its second eBook by a local author?

BAM 18 May 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       First segment can be tightened, shortened – agree, working

2.       Unclear whether “June 2004” was supposed to identify timing of story – yes

3.       Thought historical references about fireworks were unnecessary – agree, working

4.       Clarify if fireworks were to be weapons, or how they’d work – No, working

5.       Too flowery describing WWII Germans - working

BAM member –

1.       First segment interesting, but needs clarity – agree, working

2.        Suggested introducing fireworks engineer earlier - agree

3.       Good foreshadowing with fireworks and RC car – agree

4.       Liked grounds keeper and potential for unintended consequences – you read my mind

5.       Clarify purpose of reworking sabot tank ammo – my intention

6.       Clarify where Manama is – Bahrain

7.       Suggested identifying speakers – agree, working

8.       Clarify where Ashdod is – Israel

9.       Minor editorial changes - agree

BAM member -

1.       If these segments portend things to come give more clues – working, but don’t want to give away the story

2.       Identify the speakers – agree, working

3.       Describe sabot and fall way behavior  - agree, working

4.       Reasons for use of fireworks not clear – disagree (camel races, etc noted)

5.       Describe “other ideas” for anti-tank rounds – agree, working

6.       Clarify if fireworks will have explosive role – no, but good reading

7.       Five thousand feet is too high for fireworks – agree, working

8.       Clarify what RC car was – but liked – remote controlled

BAM member –

1.       Unclear what a “fall away piece” meant – agree, working

2.       Unclear whether segments are about weapons or fireworks – both, and in separate marked segments

BAM member –

1.       Unclear whether WWII references – disagree (Axis, Allied, occupied France, Fritz) - disagree

Tried not to use German(s) repetitively

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3.       Suggested describe “other ideas” for tank ammo – agree, working

4.       Suggested identifying fireworks engineer earlier – agree

5.       Identify speaker in dialogue – agree

6.       Liked the fireworks segment potential for twist – her innocence; his deceit – thanks

7.       Correct broken English in thoughts of grounds keeper - agree

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial suggestions – agree

2.       Unsure why MODA and 105mm were bolded  - agree

3.       Describe sabot ammo briefly – agree, working

4.       Clarify if there’s a connection between fireworks and tank ammo – there is none

5.       Use of RC car was good foreshadowing - thanks

BLOG POST 146

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 146

Authors – No new entries. The Last Full Measure by Jeff Shaara – it was a re-read for me. The novel is a fantastic story of courage, despair, and religious beliefs as seen from the viewpoints of US Grant, RE Lee, and Joshua Chamberlain. Starting a re-read of The Easter Offensive by Colonel G.H. Turley, USMCR (Ret), which is an exhaustive account of the 1972 North Vietnamese invasion of the South.  

Local Authors – RWG member Suzi Weinert’s newest “Garage Sale Mystery” novel made into TV movie will appear on the Hallmark Channel in September.

Process – Progress, in terms of critiqued segments, stands at 25 percent.  

I asked a fellow RWG and BAM colleague about a quandary in my style, and how I should approach critiques of future segments of Kashan Kashmeeri. Here’s what I asked -

I have a number of segments coming up for RWG or BAM critiques which are, shall we say, non-linear. What I mean is that during parts of my novel parts of the action/conflict is observed by or reported to higher command echelons.  The observations or reports don’t become a major part of the action, but are relevant to overall awareness of what is going on.

As an example a US satellite might observe an aircraft or helo firing a missile and this information provides part of the tactical picture to higher authorities, say the National Military Command Center (NMCC) or to the President of the US (POTUS).  One could call them glimpses of the overall story or insights and background to factors controlling the story.

I am at a crossroads as to whether I put these observations together with the background related to the development and firing of those missiles as an example, rather than as bits within the evolving story. Putting them together makes the association more apparent for review, but takes them out of the planned flow of the novel … where they will be separated. 

What do you suggest - should I keep them together where the connection might be.

                                                                ****************************

The answer was very helpful and helped resolve the quandary - You have to keep the narrative flow of the story going. So having large blocks of technical information in there that interrupts the flow of the story for significant stretches of time is a no go. Try to just tell the story with as little detailed information as possible. If there are questions about connections related to information that's obviously missing then you can fill in with what you need. Hope that helps.     ( I added the underscoring.)

While my intent was not to provide detailed (technical/military) information, the advice will help me trim the observations at higher levels of national control limited in their intrusion into the narrative flow.

Less is more ….

May 2015 RWG meeting – Three local authors, all members of both RWG and Lake Authors (club of Lake of the Wood) gave presentations and insights in how they overcame personal writing obstacles. It was particularly helpful presentation by Judy Hill, Julie Phend and Suzi Weinert. All are novelists and involved with crafting historical fictions. Each recommended a timeline to provide a checklist for sorting out the written story’s accuracy to its time and place.

                Judy Hill – Use your timeline to integrate history and your fiction (and character). Visit the sites of your fiction. Find maps of the historical scenes of your story – verify existence. Don’t show off your knowledge of history or the time and place.

                Julie Phend – Interview subject of your story; verify and discuss your story against that person’s recollections.  She researched and used (partially) a 1770s map of London. Be willing to cut and give up much of what you’ve found. (I’ve done this with vast bits of irrelevant material which was too technical to hold a readers interest.) Color code the parts of your story’s subjects to ensure you don’t mix characters, places, events up.

                Suzi Weinert – Develop and sustain suspense – it was her biggest challenge, and one she triumphed at meeting. Craft a cliff hanger or hook to finish off each chapter. This drew lots of attention, as it is a given, but rarely stressed. Suzi made it compelling with examples … and I immediately knew this was an area I need to focus on. Ideas flowed.  She called them – decision hooks, sex hooks, revelation hooks, tension hooks.

Takeaways –

1)  Get busy with updating my timeline (I’ve had one, but am now at a point where it is crucial).

2)  Update previous map research of Iraq-Iranian borders and terrain.

3)  Implement hooks at ends of each chapter. Use following –

His leg twitched. He looked … was that blood?

Just then the Red Speaker unit blared … and another ALERT light lit. “What now???”

“I hear Bolero playing … do you?” …. “I do big boy.”

“Here’s what we’ll do … “

“Do you remember that …?”

“Will that missile work?”

Was Tooley alive? Tears ran down her cheeks as the kids hugged her.

“”How long before we know?” anxiety in her face and voice.

RWG 09 May 2015 critique comments

RWG member –

1.       Very good - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3.       Questioned missing articles – correct usage

4.       Suggested removing last sentence as overkill – agree

5.       Suggested moving deceptive comment earlier - agree, reworking

6.       Your writing has come a long way – thanks

7.       Use some Arabic - agree

RWG member –

1.       Best segment - thanks

2.       Suggested moving deceptive comment earlier - agree, reworking

3.       Good descriptions, flows well - thanks

4.       Minor editorial changes – agreed with some

5.       Suggested altitude and speed of advance changes - disagree

RWG member –

1.       Lots of minor editorial changes - agree

2.       Enjoyed - thanks

3.       Use Arabic to identify headscarf – agree

4.       Questioned several British phrases - checking

RWG member –

1.       This comes alive and flows well – thanks 

2.       Questioned Arabic speakers leaving out articles – correct usage

3.       Lots of minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Suggested describing suit as silk –disagree; observant Muslim males don’t wear silk

5.       An interesting passage; you’ve come a long way - thanks