Blog post 94

The one page, double spaced segment below was reviewed at RWG meeting 10/13/2012.

Two men strode toward the building ahead and the journey beyond. Aware of the power of a dragon, they moved with purpose, their mission a closely held secret. Like Aladdin, these travelers from the desert sands knew the duality of such power. Storytellers recorded that if a dragon escaped its bonds, it could turn on its masters and devour them. One could use them, but only at great risk and after considering the power so constrained.  The journey to acquire such influence held dangers of its own, as ancients knew from the tale of Pandora’s Box.

The expedition began, with these desert princes journeying to distant lands. The brothers were uncertain what would emerge, but prayed they could bargain for what suited their needs. When ones’ neighbor bought a dragon, one need acquire one in self defense, or steal theirs.

Over the terminal’s structure the sun rose, the glint from the sun’s rays offering God’s splendor and blessings. The Call to Prayer resounded from the Muzzeine in his minaret – “God is great.” The reminder to pray echoed from the speakers in each corner of the terminal. All heard but few prayed openly; the brothers were consumed with a more worldly concern.

                “I worry about those bastards across the water” Hamid, the eldest, told his sibling. “They keep killing each other off, buying new weapons, threatening us with their new toys.” He frowned, concern on his face. “We go to do what we must. There is no other avenue, no alternative. Our journey will complete our plans.”

Of eleven entries reviewed by Guest Speaker Joanne Liggan, above received a B minus grade. Three entries were graded lower at C (two) or C minus (one). A comment offered was that a poet of note in RWG has a garage filled with printed copies of his poems, awaiting buyers.

The following comments were offered:

1.        Concern with use of dragon as metaphor, or real life weapon system

2.       Not enough of story in first page

3.       RWG member  – What is coming in story?

4.       RWG member  – pompously written

5.       JRWG member  – I was interested when heard of “bastards across the water.”

6.       RWG member  liked use of metaphor

7.       RWG member  – put “those bastards” as first sentence

8.       RWG member  – turned off  by use of fantasy metaphor (dragons)

9.       RWG member  – dragon metaphor too strong (dominant)

Joanne Liggan, author of a Romantic Saga Family Trilogy, offered these insights into successful writing. Selling a book, interesting buyers, is like Opening a store. She called it the Grand Opening. The author needs a location, store – the setting.

Locate the store – Set the story in a setting

Set up the store – Introduce the plot and characters

Stock the shelves – complete a first draft, to conclusion

Go back (restock) – create best opening and ending lines –these should have same theme. This

 not an absolute, as many successful authors evolve their characters and story.

First sentence must be a hook, grabbers – develop interest, draw the reader in

First line should describe what will follow, make it inevitable

First line – declarative (not hard and fast) – but must pose a question in reader’s mind

An author may set up the story with an echo of the content of book

Insights gained and ideas

Open Mike timing – a three page, double spaced paper corresponds roughly to five minutes

Watch for repetitive use of words – that, he, they, etc..

Incorporate description of brothers at start

Posturing, gesturing, putting on the dog