Blog Post 128

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 128

Am “Following” the Fredericksburg Writers Group blog - http://fredericksburgwritersgroup.wordpress.com/ to keep abreast of local writers and ideas, and became a member of the LinkedIn Book Marketing group… https://www.linkedin.com/nhome/?trk=hb_signin . It’s too soon to say if these will be of benefit.

Another segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed at a Books-A-Million critique session. 

BAM members provided critiques of the segment as follows:

BAM member -

1.       Lots of details on setting, few on characters – agree; working

2.       Say more about the women – agree

3.       Stress Anh being pregnant – agree

4.       Have Munirah ask Anh how far along is she – agree

5.       Correct POV shifts – agree

6.       Have Anh and Munirah shared common interests, concerns – agree

7.       Clarify the “not Mecca” – agree

8.       Reduce use of narrative – agree

9.       Several suggestions on sentences – agree; working

10.   Reword “swept his hand horizontally” – agree; working

11.   Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering

BAM member -

1.       Unfamiliar with “revetment”  – disagree; standard military terminology

2.       Clarify mention of “Michael’s (rug)” – agree

3.       Clarify Anh’s thinking on anxiety about being Asian – agree; working

4.       Reconsider use of “deep internal bluish brilliance (on diamond) – agree

5.       Good details of setting – agree

6.       Questioned use of mention of men being from Mars – agree

7.       Convert  “Anh quickly making a pact” to a sentence – agree

8.       Minor punctuation suggestions – will consider

BAM member - no written comments

1.       Knows of woman who lived underground in KOSA, said most Saudis do – untrue

2.       Female characters were too cautious in talking – agree

BAM member –

1.        Your female lead is rough, strong sexual – not sure where leading – agree

2.       Correct POV problem on page two – agree

3.       Clarify why Tooley and Anh went to Ubaidi’s – agree; working

4.       Explain the competitiveness of female characters – agree; working

5.       Liked description of underground home setting - agree

6.       Numerous sentence suggestions – agree; working

7.       Reword “swept his hand horizontally” – agree; working

8.       Restructure several areas to be new paragraphs – agree

9.       Have Munirah talk of “deep internal bluish brilliance (on diamond) – agree

10.   Questioned existence of Baskin-Robbins franchise in Arabia – disagree; it was there

11.   Liked use of comparing a Bentley to a camel – agree

12.   Explain the meaning of incense smoke – agree; working

13.   Explain “their” post graduate studies – disagree; included elsewhere

14.   Add graphic to show change of scene  from meal – agree; working

15.   Explain why Anh rose as Tooley rushed to her – agree; working

16.   Clarify Fadia’s age – agree

17.   Liked the exotic setting- agree

BAM member –

1.       Spell coos-coos as cous-cous – agree

2.       Stress how female characters are checking out initial meeting and feelings of it – agree

3.       Suggested rewording sentence about Amir’s net worth – will consider

4.       Minor sentence suggestions – agree; working

5.      Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering

BAM member –

1.       Clarify mention of “Michael’s (rug)” – agree

2.       Reference to Dorothy Hamill hairstyle too obscure – agree; working

3.       Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering

4.       Use of “tiny bursts of light like creepy crawlies” awkward – agree; working

5.       Unfamiliar with “revetment”  – disagree; standard military terminology

6.       Minor punctuation suggestions – agree

7.       Clarify POV shifts – agree

8.       Questioned use of mention of men being from Mars – agree

9.       Interesting description of the Ubaidi home - agree

Several cultural insights into whether wives of Saudi friends remained veiled or in separate rooms during dinner with friends, and about alcohol use were shared.

The August meeting of the Riverside Writers Group will feature an Open Mike format.  I anticipate reading (and just observing an audience reaction to) several segments. 

Blog Post 127

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 127

Am “Following” the Fredericksburg Writers Group blog - http://fredericksburgwritersgroup.wordpress.com/ to keep abreast of local writers and ideas, and became a member of the LinkedIn Book Marketing group… https://www.linkedin.com/nhome/?trk=hb_signin . It’s too soon to say if these will be of benefit.

Sales of Sooley Base have nudged upwards.

Distractions now include repainting backyard deck and privacy railings, and reinsertion into computer recycling to support local area refugee families.

 Another segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed/critiqued at the July Riverside Writers Group meeting.

Reviewer comments:

1.       Suggested change to connection between Anh’s smile and a story  – agree

2.       Suggested having Patty state Anh is no cook – agree

3.       Numerous sentence and grammar changes – agree

4.       Stop trying to make every line clever – agree

5.       Remove reference to highways in California – agree

6.       Have Anh remark in her comments to Patty how fast she fell for Tooley - agree

The above suggestions were incorporated into segment read to RWG.

RWG members provided written critiques of the segment as follows:

RWG member

1.       If any more sexual comments or innuendos  it would be too much – disagree

2.       Connection of pent up needs and to do lists to blunt – agree

3.       Use of High Five OK, but Valley Girl not credible – disagree

4.       Good addition – agree

5.       Liked use of indirect reference to main characters sex – agree

6.       POV problem on page two – agree

7.       Minor sentence change - agree

RWG member – no written comments

1.       Wonder about two women talking about sex – disagree

2.       Good dialogue - agree

RWG member -

1.        Your female lead is rough, strong sexual – not sure where leading – agree

2.       End of page 1 uncomfortable, crass – agree, working

3.       POV problem on page two – agree

4.       Liked description of underground home setting - agree

5.       Confused by use of Anh and Ann – disagree; Anh is her name. Patty calls her Ann for convenience.

6.       Used smile too often – agree

7.       Recommended change to italicized sentence page 2 – agree

8.       Minor punctuation change - agree

RWG member -

1.       Liked story – agree

2.       Moves at good pace  – agree

3.       Lost then found in dialogue – use of Anh and Ann – disagree; Anh is her name. Patty calls her Ann for convenience.

4.       Liked use of Valley Girl and Totally – agree

5.       Minor sentence change – agree

6.       Thought it incorrect in Arabia, with Sharia law, for characters to sleep together – disagree;

They are expats, and even most Saudis don’t like Sharia law of Mutaawah.

RWG member -

1.       Didn’t like use of kick ass and kiss ass, and butts - disagree

2.       Noted use of rhyming verse on page 2 – agree

3.       How do sands zoom by – agree

4.       Thought main male character was kinky - disagree

RWG member – no written or verbal comments. Was first time reviewer.

RWG member - no written comments

1.       Missed earlier chapters – Buy book

2.       Too many short sentences  - disagree

RWG member – no written or verbal comments (was out of room)

Blog Post 126

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 126

 Several weeks ago, as a volunteer at the local Central Rappahannock Regional Library (CRRL) I offered to provide free eBook copies of the first two novels, Golden Gate and Sooley Base, of my Tessera Trilogy. The library did not accept my offer, because their eBooks are provided by

I made a point of investigating CRRL support for local writers groups and local authors. While the library has a book listing local authors that source is over two decades old. I discovered that of the total book holdings of the library less than .005 percent are by local authors and of that number over 34 percent are reference sources used in the very room (Local History and Genealogy) I volunteered in. 

The writers group of which I am a member, alas, could not be included in the calendar of the library branch where we’ve been meeting for years. While CRRL Events Calendars do cover quilting, Teen art, local art galleries, potters, blogs and art history, only one branch does much of anything with local writers group. There is no written policy, or conscious action by CRRL management to identify writers groups in the area, nor local authors, and authors writing eBooks seem frozen out. Weighing all this evidence I resigned my volunteer position because CRRL does not support either writers groups or local authors.

I have since been on a campaign to identify and pursue avenues by which I can offer my eBooks to the Third Party Vendors who supply CRRL. These are the Library of Virginia, FReading, Overdrive, and EBSCO. I am currently pursuing a deal with each of these vendors to offer my first two novels, free of charge, to Virginia Public libraries. Additionally I am pursuing through Enki, a California Public Library organization the same offer – my first two books free of charge to California Public Libraries.

It may strike you, as it has me,strange that I am unable to GIVE my novels free of charge to public libraries. I await the results of my offers, in the hope that books … rather than quilting, Teen art, local art paintings, pottery will rise to the level of acceptance by institutions serving the public.

Blog Post 125

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 125

 Another segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed/critiqued at a Monday Books-A-million meeting.

Reviewer comments:

BAM members provided written critiques of the segment as follows:

BAM member

1.       Better than last week’s reading - agree

2. Minor editorial changes – agree
3. Questioned whether both characters were American, or one Vietnamese  – disagree
4. Disliked use of “I’d have to bury you in desert as clichéd – disagree

5.       Liked use of Baskins-Robbins  – agree

6. Liked use of facial expressions – agree
7. Reword “displaying his lack …” – agree
8. Liked bit about Blarney Stone – agree
9. Change “And I don’t have …” breaks mood – agree
10. Liked waiting for pie and ice cream – agree
11. Good back and forth - agree

BAM member

1.       No written input - agree

2.       Good dialogue, natural - agree

BAM member

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Questioned relationship of “Why did you come here” to response – will consider

3.       Identify speakers as male, female or by name – disagree, prior text shows

4.       Questioned why she thinks his job is dangerous - disagree, prior text shows (got shot)

5.       Suggested differing paragraphs – will consider

6.       Questioned humorous reference to James Bond  – disagree

7.       Liked playfulness and story - agree

BAM member

1.       Lots of personality - agree

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3. Reword “displaying his lack …” – agree
4. Would delete “She saw it.” – disagree
5. Would delete “or lose her lunch” – agree
6. Considers “No. that was …” an odd response – disagree
7. Consider turning “And I don’t have ..” into humor – will try
8. Good, interplay and dialogue

BAM member

       1.  Fast moving, playful exchanges - agree

       2.  No written comments

BAM member

1.       Very interesting and playful exchange  – agree

2.       Easy reading, fast moving action – agree

3.       Liked use of Baskins-Robbins  – agree

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Said “She is the ONE!” – agree

6.       Good couple, evenly matched with wit – agree

7.       Liked reference to Clancy book and martial art gesture - agree

BAM member

       1.  Change “in a foreign land” – awkward - agree

       2.  Simplify “a job offer with great pay” – will consider

       3.  Loved the characters, very good – agree

       4.  Clarify “He’s my friend …” – will consider

       5.  Liked story of parking tickets for camels – agree

       6.  Reword “returning the talk to the Camel Race” – agree

       7.  Minor editorial changes – agree

       8.  Add accent mark to rose wine – agree

       9.  Identify Amir’s tribe – agree

     10.  Change forty four to read 44 – disagree

     11.  Liked use of Baskins-Robbins  – agree

     12.  Liked international flavor – agree

     13.  Bedu cushions set you in place - agree

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 124

Below are three draft Taglines summarizing Kashan Kashmeeri. Your preferences and suggestions are invited.

Tagline 01 –

Fate, and the spirits of war bring the cousins together – Stefano the journalist for CNN with ‘Breaking News’, Amir the retired Saudi General recalled to duty, and Padrick Marcus Michael O’Toole ‘Tooley’ the Langley agent now Station Chief in Riyadh.

The Middle East is in turmoil, on the edge of what could be WWIII, Iraqis and Iranians suddenly reaming at breakneck speed and moving their artillery, tanks, planes and armies … but to where? Is there a colossal bloodbath in the future? The cousins, now joined by a surprising addition, discover that the war is … or may not be … all it seems. It could be incredibly worse!

Can they make sense of the actions unfolding in militaries of the regions, or are some of the cousins concealing hidden agenda? Will the militaries descend into the ultimate clash of tank on tank, helo on helo, fighter on fighter, infantry on infantry – or worse! Will it be War or Peace?

Tagline 02 –

The cousins return as Middle East militaries arm and spar in what promises to be the final conflict. Stefano, as the CNN journalist breaking news to the world, confronts conflicts between what he sees and understands of wars past.

Amir is recalled to active duty, promoted and positioned to control forces of great power, and Tooley, fresh from CIA assignments across the globe and stateside, is plopped down as the Riyadh Chief of Station.

Military forces arm, train, move to front lines … poised to start WWIII, until Stefano discovers secret plans which could be far worse.

The ultimate struggle of mankind moves closer, as the so-called ‘Coalition for Peace’ musters its forces to confront … or conduct … war. The demands of the Peace Coalition are clear – but do they mean Peace … or war? Negotiations are sought, conducted and imagined. These contrast with maneuvers and battles to gain supremacy in the air and on the ground.

The cousins seek to contain the momentum building to war, and help Peace prevail, and the anxious world is asked to Light one Candle.

Tagline 03 –

The newest member of the 8oth cousins, Anh Nguyen, becomes a part of the groups’ individual and collective efforts to discover what will happen in the Middle East. Will WWIII start, or worse?

Sensing the subtleties of what is happening, filtering out the BS and efforts at Cover and Deception, she must huddle beneath the desert sands as hundreds of thousands of well armed men practice their deadly art and edge the world closer to the ultimate conflict.

Breaking News! Stefano, another 8oth cousin is discovering the truth about what is really happening with the Coalition for Peace. In the birthplace of perennial warfare will the Coalition move to effect Peace, or will it start the final conflict?

The ‘other side’ is possessed of a nuclear strike capability. Will that option be used to level the playing field against great odds? The people of the world see Breaking News broadcasts which increasingly threaten their world.

Text messages document the closeness of the potential movement to the brink. The ultimate confrontation begins and action in the streets may be the only way to convince the powerful to move towards Peace.  

Blog Post 123

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 123

Sales of Sooley Base have picked up!!! Yea!!!

 A segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed/critiqued at a Monday Books-A-million meeting.

Reviewer comments:

After revising the segment it was taken to the BAM meeting. The segment was read and critiqued at the end of the meeting.

BAM members provided written critiques of the segment as follows:

BAM member

1.       Well written, good dialogue – agree

2.       Explain how Wednesday relates to Muslim Friday – agree; in process

3. Incorporate reference to when character served on ships – agree; in process

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Suggested word changes – agree

6.       Show me around …” not believable, incorporate more to and fro – agree; in process

BAM member

1.       Unconvincing use of female dialogue (not what they’d say)  

2.       Explain how Wednesday relates to Muslim Friday – agree; in process

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

BAM member

1.       Was uncertain of gender of character – disagree; clear from previous segments and text

2.       Uncertain of use of POV – agree; in process

3.       Unclear of setting - disagree; clear from previous  text

4.       Characters posing questions was distracting – agree; in process

5.       Change question to statement punctuation wise – agree; in process

6.       Change sequence of sentences – agree; in process

BAM member

1.        No written comments

2.       Not hard to follow, interesting 

Blog post 122

Another segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed/critiqued by offspring in anticipation of a Monday Books-A-Million meeting and critique of the revised segment.

Review comments:

Improve blunt lead in – agree, in process

Various editorial, sentence changes – agree, in process

Reduce use of ellipses – agree, in process

Improve dialogue (now is one sided monologue) – agree, in process

Delete superfluous descriptions – agree, in process

Add context to statement about robbers getting hands chopped off – disagree, in process

Increase complexity of characters – agree, in process

Improve description of ships as feminine – agree, in process

Describe various looks (confusion, emotion, smile) – agree, in process

Don’t use knight in shining armor – undecided, in process

Decrease use of passive verbs – agree, in process

Delete “You’re my first date in …” – agree, in process

Improve transitions, lead-ins – agree, in process

Use contractions in speech – agree, in process

Current page count is 121, while word count is 61K. Numerous hand written notes need to be converted to word documents for insertion.