Blog Post 145

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 145

Authors – No new entries.

Local Authors – RWG member Suzi Weinert’s newest “Garage Sale Mystery” novel made into TV movie will appear on the Hallmark Channel in September.

Process – Progress, in terms of critiqued segments, stands at 25 percent.

BAM 20 April 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Liked look at kids point of view, fresh  – agree, working

2.       Liked reference of nickname to greeting  – thanks

3.       Reduce, remove clichés – agree, working

4.       A lot of promise – agree

5.       Liked use of kids rebellion – thanks

6.       Liked depiction of family caught between two worlds – agree

7.       Minor editorial changes – agree

8.       Identify age of kids - agree

BAM member –

1.       Hard to follow, too many characters interacting – agree, working

2.        Confusing shift of perspective – agree, reworking

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Boys dialogue better – thanks

5.       Identify ages of kids – agree, working

6.       Has potential when character actions are more focused - working

BAM member –

1.       Too much teenage angst – agree, working

2.       Behavior of teens is chaotic – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Too much information given – agree, working

5.       Include an ending that ties to story – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Confusing – agree, working

2.       Identify speakers - agree

3.       Identify ages of kids – agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Liked Bai not wanting her brother to run away – thanks

6.       Is all the teen banter, name calling necessary – working

7.       Didn’t understand reference to Gonzos – agree, Muppets iconic character

BAM member –

1.       Couldn’t follow characters – agree, working

2.       Dialogue between kids good - working

BAM member –

1.       Reads well until page 2, but too technical - agree, working

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3.       Enjoyed kids dialogue – thanks

4.       Identify speakers – agree

5.       Clarify how this segment fits into overall story – agree

6.       Too rambling – agree, working

7.       Liked description of Mick and Mamo as M&Ms – thanks

8.       Show what is the conflict or tension here – working

BAM member –

1.       Interesting insight into Western vs Muslim cultural clashes – agree

2.       Identify ages of the kids – agree, working

3.       Enjoyed kids dialogue – thanks

4.       Didn’t think reprimand of Mick was appropriate in Moslem family – disagree, term is Muslim, not Moslem and Mick and Mamo are very distant cousins, not brothers

BAM member –

1.       Lots crammed in – agree, working

2.       Too much kid dialogue  – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes - agree

4.       Remove clichés – agree

5.       Didn’t understand “sorting hat” reference – disagree, Harry Potter and Hogwarts

6.       Liked reference to scanning of zebra stripes as UPC codes – thanks

7.       Clear up point of view conflicts - agree

Blog Post 144

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 144

Authors – No new entries.

Local Authors – A fellow member of the RWG, Suzi Weinert, is having her third “Garage Sale” series of novels made into another Hallmark Movies and Mysteries channel TV movie.  It will appear on 11 April.

Process – The most recent Books A Million critique was extremely gratifying. I had taken just rough notes on a segment, which needed to be background in Kashan Kashmeeri, and winged it. I wrote it mostly from scribbled notes, then revised and tweaked it for a critique session. Because it was much more of an action segment it came across much better at the review.

Distractions – I discovered that my estimate of zoysia grass plugs needed to redo our back yard was seriously underestimated.  I will need to quintuple my previous order, and spend lots of time making holes in the back yard.

BAM 06 April 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Very good, so much better than previous - thanks

2.       Liked use of Holmes and Watson character interplay  – agree

3.       One of your best  – agree

4.       Liked use of humor in dialogue – agree

5.       Good setting of scene –

6.       Kept our interest - agree

BAM member  –

1.       Really good - thanks

2.        Coherent, good flow - thanks

3.       Still too much detail - disagree, genre

4.       Suggest add description of missile damage to plane – agree, working

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Well told – agree, working

BAM member  -

1.       Best segment - thanks

2.       Much better dialogue and narrative – agree, reworking

3.       Minor editorial changes – working

BAM member  -

1.       Well told - thanks

2.       Why didn’t the General know the story – disagree; personal observations, rather than mission

3.       Lots of suspense, peril - thanks

4.       Minor editorial changes - agree

BAM member  –

1.       Missed most of reading

2.       No written comments

BAM member  –

1.       Best yet – thanks 

2.       Remove duplication mention of motors running – agree

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree and disagree

4.       Suggested change to terminology for “deuce and a half” - disagree

BAM member  –

1.       Reads more clearly, best of recent - thanks

2.       Liked short, dramatic dialogue – thanks

Blog Post 143

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 143

Authors – No new entries.

Local Authors – I recently did some research on fellow Riverside Writers Group (RWG) members, and discovered quite a few have eBooks on the market. So I generated a Word document listing them all, along with their eBooks and the applicable ISBNs. I’ve recommended each to CRRL at their website’s Recommend a Title tab.

Process – Critiques are a necessary and extremely helpful part of the writing process.

Distractions – Those bright shiny distractions are out and about. They now include cleaning out the backyard pond and getting ready for Spring. Found a huge, dead and decomposing frog in the water, but the goldfish survived through another winter. It is now roughly eight inches long and I think it’s transforming into a koi, with a prominent white spot on its side.

Another big distraction has been building five birdhouses from scratch and mounting them.

Another distraction has been clipping apart and planting 950 zoysia sod plugs.

BAM 30 March 2015 critique comments

BAM Member  –

1.       Find a way to shrink to two pages - disagree, working to improve

2.       Too much detail – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Liked use of humor in dialogue - agree

BAM Member  –

1.       Better, but still to technical  – agree, working

2.        Got a better idea of characters – agree

3.       Stress uncertainty, tension – agree, working

4.       Much improved - agree

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Compress dialogue – agree, working

BAM Member  –

1.       Smoother, easier to follow, but narrow market – agree, working

2.       Very detailed, many acronyms  – agree, reworking

3.       Enjoyed this time - agree, working

4.       Some dialogue very good - thanks

BAM Member  –

1.       Better reader appeal  – agree, reworking

2.       Shorten, use hints rather than detail - agree, working

3.       Use look backs - agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes - agree

5.       Explain “Insha ’Allah” – agree

6.       Uncertain what TR meant – Trouble Report noted above – disagree

7.       Suggested removing tag about General’s face – disagree, foreshadowing

BAM Member  –

1.       Much better dialogue– working

2.       Minor editorial changes – disagree

3.       Didn’t understand “national controls” – agree, reworking

4.       Disliked use of “software weenies” – disagree

BAM Member  –

1.       No written comments – new BAM member

2.       Liked short, dramatic dialogue – thanks

BLOG POST 141

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 141

Currently there have been more than 5200 page views of this Tessera Trilogy blog. That is encouraging. My HICUZ blog has over 8100 page views, even more encouraging.

PROCESS – I believe I need to formalize a listing of comments that relate to my process of writing. The eventual objective might be to put together a book on writing, and identifying the process ideas may be helpful.

                One important idea is for the beginning, or experienced writer (and I mean of prose) is that that individual join a writing group, and participate in critique sessions. While these can de disheartening at times, their honest and constructive suggestions are critical to writing a novel that will be of interest to readers.

                That said, it is also important to formally collect, analyze, and respond to those suggestions and critical comments.

BAM 09 March 2015 critique comments

BAM critique member  –

1.       Short on human interest  – agree, working

2.       Didn’t grab my attention  – agree, working

3.       Earlier segments were more human  – agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes - agree

BAM critique member  –

1.       The story is clear if reader is a systems engineer – agree, working

2.        Will lose readers with so much tech talk – agree, reworking

3.       Too big a data dump on missiles - agree, working

4.       Use dialogue as a way to bring in tech info - agree, working

5.       Improve transition to discussion of satellite data - agree, working

6.       Remove “clever and effective ruse” - agree, working

7.       Is Tooley going to talk to Amir – great insight, in process

8.       Minor editorial changes - working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Tech heavy, of limited interest – agree, working

2.       Bring in personal interest  – agree, reworking

3.       Expand on Colonel Khalid non-select to Brigadier - agree, working

4.       Elaborate on the nature of the missiles - agree, working

5.       Incorporate any effect Amir can have on Brigadier selection – agree, coming

BAM critique member  –

1.       Too much tech info, make more personal – agree, working

2.       Expand tension of Khalid non-select for General - agree

3.       Suggest shift from telling to dialogue – agree, working

4.       Suggested minor editorial changes - agree

BAM critique member  –

1.       No idea what going on - disagree, but needs rework 

2.       Identify speaker on page 2 - agree, working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Reads well until page 2, but too technical - agree, working

2.       Expand interaction about Colonel Khalid – agree, working

3.       Too technical - agree, working

4.       Identify speaker/analyst on satellite data - agree, working

5.       Minor editorial suggestions – agree

6.       Improve transition on page 2 - agree, working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Reads well - Thanks

2.       Understandable, can’t wait for next segment – thanks

3.       Well written – needs work 

Blog Post 142

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 142

A few new structural changes, to help my wandering mind stay focused …

Authors – I recently met Bernard Decre, author of L’Oiseau (in French) while doing research. Bernard’s book,  on the 1927 Cross Atlantic flight of Monsieur’s Nungesser and Coli, is also the subject of his blog    http://loiseaublanc.over-blog.com. A truly fascinating researcher and world traveler, he has a revealing article in Portland Monthly, a magazine in Maine’s largest city – see the link below -    http://www.portlandmonthly.com/portmag/2013/11/man-on-fire/  

Local Authors – CRRL link …. And I hope, at your local library … allows you to recommend titles by local authors. Help your local library, as they don’t have the staff to identify and order books by local authors and musical CDs by local artists.

Process – I performed two humorous stories – The Scout who has the Tates is lost, and it was the first time someone wired a head for a reservation.  The response was very warm, with more than pleasant applause and side comments.

I need to use less narrative or dialogue which implies, or suggests, military weapons use … and be blunt and short in sentence length.

RWG 14 March 2015 critique comments

RWG member –

1.       Better on human interest; could use more – agree, working

2.       Why didn’t you indent instead of double spaces - disagree, author preference

3.       Convert tech talk into more dialogue – agree, working

4.       Expand dialogue to describe feelings about non-selection - agree, working

5.       Explain reasons, or hatred behind non-selection - agree, working

RWG member –

1.       Reads much better than at BAM session - agree, working

2.       Clarify reasons for colored plumes - agree, working

3.       Connect two paragraphs on colored plume analysis - agree, working

4.       Use asterisks to separate paragraphs - agree, working

RWG member –

1.       Nice details, gives depth - Thanks

2.       Tech parts need more clarity for non-technical types - agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Why are bolded items bolded - agree

RWG member –

1.       No written comments

2.       Understandable, can’t wait for next segment – thanks

3.       Well written – needs work

4.       Are the missiles going to be used in an attack on Israel – no comment

5.       Use of colored plumes not clear - agree, working

6.       Split and clarify paragraph on HMMF buildings - agree, working

7.       Clarify what analyst means by no need to investigate - agree, working

As if punishment is not enough in small doses, I revised a second segment for Books A Million critique.

BAM 16 March 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.     Needs a character to ask, clarify technical questions – agree, working

1.       Too little character interaction – agree, working

2.       Explain fuel, additive, afterburner issue – agree, working

3.       Improve natural sound of dialogue – agree, working

4.       Use more tension, drama – agree, working

5.       Explain what “the operator” means – agree, working

6.       Several sections with good writing – agree, working

7.       Explain pilot’s white knuckles – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Incorporate a sense of urgency – agree, working

2.        Simplify paragraphs down to simple sentences – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Introduce tension between characters – agree, working

5.       Explain how the missile will launch – agree, working

6.       Explain “tethering” – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Interesting story, but narrow market – agree, working

2.       Very detailed, many acronyms  – agree, reworking

3.       Dialogue seems forced - agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes - working

5.       Explain tethered missile – agree, coming

6.       Where was cover story leaked – disagree, not relevant

7.       Doesn’t believe C-130s can fly at 50 feet – disagree

8.       Slow moving – agree, working

9.       Include more on characters – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Bring in personal interest  – agree, reworking

2.       Expand on Colonel Khalid non-select to Brigadier - agree, working

3.       Elaborate on the nature of the missiles - agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes - agree, coming

5.       Suggested some wording extraneous – agree

6.       Suggested shorter, dramatic sentences - agree, working

7.       Use shorter sentence tags - agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Lost track of story in dialogue– working

2.       No written suggestions –

3.       Didn’t understand – agree, reworking

BAM member  –

1.       Interesting, but too many technical references, acronyms - agree, working

2.       Suggested adding a “dumb” character to ask questions – agree, working

3.       Spell out QA, IV&V, NSWC, HUMPH – agree on first three; HUMPH used earlier

4.       Minor editorial suggestions – disagree

BAM member  –

1.       Great - thanks

2.       Spell out IV&V, IR, NSWC - agree, working

3.       Describe qanats and IR - disagree

4.       Well written – needs work

5.       Simplify dialogue – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Dialogue to technical  – agree, working

2.       Needs more dialogue, less telling – agree, working

3.       Liked several parts of short, dramatic dialogue – thanks

4.       Eliminate use of many complex terms – agree, working

5.       Give characters personality – agree, reworking

6.       Let reader feel anger, frustration, emotions of characters – agree, reworking

7.       Show us their eyes, feelings – agree, working

8.       Add description of tethered flight – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Reads well - Thanks

2.       Understandable, can’t wait for next segment – thanks

3.       Well written – needs work 

BLOG POST 140

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 140

In recent BAM critique session I handed out business cards, and offered the recipients a free copy of Golden Gate if they sent me an email. I will look anxiously at the interest level.

Local Author in the Lobby at the HQ – results were encouraging. I sold one CD for $5.00. The purchaser became fascinated because a photo I used to attract interest, “Yemeni Men” by my wife showing men carrying AK-47s, intrigued him. He said that if Kalashnikov had invented the weapon in 1940 the war would have ended earlier.

The man also showed interest in my planned detective series set in Spotsylvania/Spotswoode County, VA. The man asked … “Is there any crime in the county? And where do criminals live?” Then he said something about being stopped while driving his girl friends’ car and being ticketed – he holds a CDL and this “caused no end of problems.” He said he thought that electronic background checks would wipe out crime.  I mentioned having already talking with a Spotsylvania County detective. He questioned whether the county had detectives. I said they are Sherriff’s deputies but they function as detectives.

I continued with review and note taking from the transcript of the Ferguson, Missouri Grand Jury investigating the death of an unarmed black at the hands of Police Officer Darren Wilson. The notes will become part of a future detective novel titled Payroll Deductions.

At most recent RWG monthly meeting time went by so fast that even though the critique extended to 17:00 my segment didn’t get critiques. An older member kept interrupting the critique process to inject her interpretations of what she meant, against critique protocol. The next BAM critique session was cancelled due to snow.

Our most recent RWG meeting was home to a fascinating and relevant talk by RWG member and guest speaker Greg Mitchell.  His talk was titled “How to know when your writing sucks, and what to do about it.” He provided a number of suggestions – avoid excessive use of dialect language (I’d say it depends on your audience); avoid use of excessive adverbs (agree); avoid minutiae (depends, I’ve found women hate military acronyms and weaponology, while the guys mostly like it). He recounted having written what he thought was a great novel, but then after a lapse of four weeks re-read it. He said it was trash and began a rewrite. He suggested that first drafts be put away for some month or two, then be reviewed critically. Excise all which doesn’t speak to the central crisis/drama, an escalation of the plot or changes to protagonists; or gives the resolution.  He asked if some parts should be canned; I’ve done this and marked up segments for what I call Relevance checks. Many were discarded, or saved for possible use elsewhere. He suggested finishing the whole first draft before review, but my process includes markups along the way in which I’ve seen elements such as – Lead-ins, Transitions, or Expand efforts need to be incorporated. I’ve typically added these noted in BOLD and Highlighted markups, while highlighting the wording to be redone in another highlighted color, say light gray.

Greg noted that what he termed “purple prose” should be avoided. This is loosely defined as writing which emphasized flowery, academic slanted, or terminology that causes a dictionary lookup.  This style might merely be saying “look at me, I use big words.”  He also suggested reading others, especially those we enjoy. He downplayed authors Tom Clancy and David Baldacci, both of whom I enjoy tremendously and strive to emulate. He also gave a pass to James Patterson – I agree with that.

Another final suggestion was to “not let rules get in the way of (your) story.” I both agree, and disagree. Breaking the mold, the rules, the conventions can be and often are what makes your dialogue and story important. My approach is the basis of why I often DISAGREE with reviewer suggestions. My stories are first and foremost my stories, not that of the reviewers, and I’m not looking for commercial success. I’m achieving that; my style unfortunately doesn’t generate sales.

As a writing technique the critique sessions are invaluable, both the monthly RWG and the weekly Books A Million versions. At the BAM sessions I’ve enjoyed two other authors’ works as they can for critical review.  One is by Dave Miles, written under the pen name D Allen Miles, and has the working title The Other Side of Danger. Set in South Carolina in the days leading up to our Revolutionary War, it is filled with memorable characters and action. Dave has another novel worth reading – Balfour and the Cargo of Innocence , and another novel, The Shadow Pirate.

The second is by Bronwen Chisholm, and she recently published it as an eBook and in hard copy. Her novella is The Ball at Meryton: A Pride and Prejudice Alternative Novella.  I recommend both to you.

BAM 23 February 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Believable outcomes  – agree

2.       Liked contrast of Hegirian and Gregorian dates, progressive glasses  – agree

3.       Liked the statement – Tooley lied.  – Thanks

4.       Liked contrast of praying for more than that and smirk disappearing – thanks

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Enjoyed Fadia’s coy smile and thoughts of fun at dance club - agree

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree Very understandable, able to follow

2.        Confused by changes of POV  – agree, reworking

3.       Confused over ages of Mick and Mamo - agree, reworking

4.       Suggested identify style of Sherlock Holmes cap – Deerstalker

5.       Questioned use of “ole pigskin” by a Muslim – disagree, use was by a Christian, Mick,

1.       as a friendly verbal jab

6.       Flowed well, dialogue realistic and moved along

BAM member –

1.       Thought time references were confusing – partly agree, will rework

2.       Too many insider references – agree, reworking

3.       Shorten blocks of dialogue – will consider

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Questioned use of “the Yemen” – disagree, standard usage

6.       Confused by Fadia’s coy smile and thoughts of fun at dance club – disagree

7.       Disliked use of “machismo” – agree, working

8.       Unsure of where story is going – working

9.       Why are families gathered – to set the stage for action

BAM member –

1.       Dialogue great – thanks

2.       Questioned use of Maroc – disagree; usage in region

3.       Suggested improve transition/lead in – agree, working

4.       Confused by identities of speakers - agree, working

5.       Need to clarify who is present – agree, working

6.       Clarify whether Fadia is going to school, or schools - agree

BAM member –

1.       Very understandable, able to follow 

2.       Good action - Thanks

3.       Missed that Fadia was there with family – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Very good dialogue - thanks

2.       Good interaction between characters – thanks

3.       Minor editorial suggestions – agree

4.       Questioned use of Maroc – disagree; usage in region

5.       Easy to read piece

6.       Unsure of “something different in same direction” - disagree

BAM member –

1.       Good action - Thanks

2.       Very understandable

3.       Enjoyed use of Muslim aside Gregorian calendar – thanks

4.       Suggested removal of a cliché – agree, working

5.       Clarify speaker identities - agree, working

6.       Dialogue and interaction great – thanks

7.       Suggested words having Fadia enter there – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Well written - Thanks

2.       Very understandable

3.       Liked conversation

4.       Uncertain of whether Muslim would talk this way – disagree, personal observation

5.       Got my interest, moving quickly – “You done good.” - thanks